Losing the Halo||Solby

Inside it Hurts || Sam

**Just so everyone knows, THE CHAPTER IS VERY EXPLICIT AND IT WILL TRIGGER PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION, SUICIDAL THOUGHT, ECT. So read at your own risk**

Sam didn't understand anything anymore.

He drove in silence, Katrina endlessly babbling about something. He didn't understand why he was in the car with her or why he hadn't been able to answer when Colby said he loved Sam.

Maybe it was because every time he looked at Colby, he saw the blonde girl pouting behind him. He heard the endless noise they had made the night before and how Colby had at one point said he enjoyed the girl very much.

Maybe it was because Sam was scared he wasn't enough for Colby....

But the look of utter hopelessness in Colby's eyes as Sam said goodbye haunted the blonde boy the entire drive back to Katrina's apartment.

"Sam?" Katrina's voice broke through Sam's thoughts. "Sam, are you even listening to me?"

Sam shook his head, a hand raising to scratch the back of his head. "I'm sorry, Katrina, but now isn't a good time."

"Are you thinking about Colby?" Sam hated the accusatory tone in Katrina's voice.

He took a deep breath and pulled the car over. "Katrina, he was my best friend ok. I think about him because I miss him, even if he...."

Sam didn't know what else to say. If he missed Colby and he still loved Colby, then why was he in the car with Katrina?

Because loving Colby is wrong, and no matter what he said, he'll never love you back, a soft voice hissed. Sam closed his eyes and gripped the steering wheel tight.

Everyday spent away from Colby, the demons inside him got worse. Sam knee it was only a matter of time before they took him over. The darkness inside was creeping closer, suffocating Sam.

"Just leave it alone, Katrina." There was something deadly in Sam's voice. Katrina must've gotten that because she was silent the rest of the way home.

=two weeks later=

Sam had been sitting in the same spot for three hours now. Ever since he had moved to Katrina's, the blonde boy rarely moved to do anything. He only ate so Katrina would stop asking and that resulted in him having to go to the bathroom.

Other than those two places, Sam didn't move from the bed.

He couldn't understand why it hurt so much to leave Colby. This was supposed to make things better, not worse.

Sam frowned, wondering what Colby was doing. He couldn't stop thinking about the brunette, shirtless, as he barged into Sam's room rambling about being 'gay' and that he was 'in love' with Sam. The words had stunned the blonde and Sam was unable to say anything back. So, guiltily, he used Katrina as an excuse to run away.

He couldn't come to terms with everything. And now Colby hated him.

Sam didn't know if he could live with that. The more he thought about Colby and how the brunette best friend probably hated him now, the more Sam decided he didn't want to live.

He remembered the feeling of fading away.

He remembered how as he lay dying, Colby had come to his rescue. Maybe if he almost died again, it would be enough for Colby to come back.

Just maybe....

Sam could hear Katrina moving about the kitchen, cleaning. It would be a while before she came to check on him again.

Slowly, Sam slunk off of the bed and over to the bathroom. He made sure to walk quietly so he would attract Katrina's attention.

"Colby, I'm so sorry," he whispered to the empty air. The blonde boy climbed into the bathtub and grabbed his girlfriend's razor.

"I do love you, Colby Robert Brock, and I always will." Sam hesitated, remembering the promise he had once made to the people he loved the most.

In one quick motion, Sam pulled his phone and dialed Colby's number. When there was no answer, Sam breathed in deeply and then left a voice message.

"Colby, I'm so sorry that I fucked everything up. You're my world and I have loved you since we were in high school," Sam let out a quiet sob, "I hope you'll be happier now. I hope you find a best friend who loves you as much as I did. Because God knows I loved you."

He didn't hang the phone up. Somehow, knowing Colby would hear this meant everything to Sam. It made him feel as if Colby would be holding his hand through it all.

The blonde grunted as blood flowed from his body and pooled around him.

And his final thoughts were of Colby and the love that could never have been....

************************************

Hey guys!

So this is some heavy stuff. Just know that there's always a way out.

Again this is fiction and in real life, this is not a funny thing or something to go around and freely talk about. It's serious and it's fatal.

If you need to talk, find someone you trust. I promise you there is someone out there willing to listen.

If you know someone who needs to talk, tell an adult or someone you can trust. Call the national hotline or even the police. First responders are great to have around because they will ALWAYS help.