A Biromantic diary

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I feel like I owe some explanations, okay so I'm going to start with the break up of my girlfriend and I. It wasn't an easy decision, and I'm still heart broken over us, and I know that it's all my fault that we ended but Im still madly in love with her and nothing can change that.
But I needed to learn to love myself before I have my all to someone who doesn't give there all.
And Alex if your reading this you may be confused by what I mean by that, and well that's for me to know and for you to maybe find out one day.

But I couldn't handle a relationship at that time, I was having a really hard time with a lot of things at the time, my life was going down hill and so was my relationship. One of them had to go so I could fix the other. I can't get red of my life cause that would ruin everyone else's.
And me getting red of my life when end up with me dying, and although I wish death a lot I can't just leave my family like that. So I had to get red of my relationship and I knew that it was going to ruin a really good friendship in the process....but I risked that to fix myself.

It was hard and since you guys are just reading this you can't feel the emotions I'm pouring out while writing this cause there is a lot, heart break, love, anger, sadness, depression, and happiness. Maybe more....idfk. But I do still love her a lot actually and it's never gonna go away, she was my first real true love and if anything I regret ignoring her for the last few weeks we we're together. I guess that was around the time things were done hill, so me just wanting a talking loving relationship wasn't what she wanted so I tried to make up excuses to give me physical space between us, like if she wanted a kiss I ignored it. And that didn't help the situation, and don't get me wrong right after she would get upset and one of us would walk away I wanted to kiss her I missed kissing her.

I would go home and think or cheesey was to kiss her or anything, but I never did. I never got to do any of those things because of me putting myself down.

But All I really have to say before I end this is I love you and I always will. That book that I have you on our 4 month, it had meaning, I didn't just give it for the sake of and anniversary. Or the ring for that matter, they both meant that no matter what kind of rough patch we were in, a break up or we hated each other I would ALWAYS be they're for you and stand by your side when you need me...

-Oli💔