How To Be Beautiful.

The One Where I will let you go.

"How was it?" Asked Ash as I stepped into her passenger seat. "It was good," I nodded, buckling my seatbelt. 

"He looks like a decent guy," She nodded, driving off. "He said he likes me." I said, and I could feel the heat rise to my cheeks once again. "And what did you say?" She asked, sneaking a glance at me before turning back to the road. 

"Nothing," I shrugged. "I don't know what I feel about him, but I don't think I like him that way, to be honest." Maybe I don't know him enough yet, but I don't feel the butterflies I feel when I am around Adam, or the need to have him close and the thrill of seeing him the way I do with Adam. Who speaking of which have sent me dozens of messages checking if I got home ok.

"And do you wanna give him a chance?" She asked, he eyes on the road. "I don't know," I sighed. "I know I have to get over Adam, but it feels like I'd be using Nate if I accepted his feelings when I am still not remotely over Adam." I added honestly. 

She nodded in understanding, "Well, take your time and decide no need to rush." She said. "But I did enjoy my time." I added more to myself than to her. 

......

"Can't say I didn't see this coming," said Amy, coming to set on my bed. "Why?" I looked at her in confusion as I scrolled through my laptop, trying to combine some of the voiceovers I was sent with the presentation, but it was proving to be harder than it sounds. 

"His eyes were on you since the second we stepped into the party." She explained, layig down next to me, as I looked at her in confusion. "Why do you think Zayna made you talk to him!" She exclaimed, amusement visible on her face. "The eyes, it's all in the eyes." I said, mimicking Zayna.

"Yeah, the eyes were on you!" She chuckled. "She wouldn't just push you onto a guy like that now, would she?" She argued. "Who knows!" I shrugged, jokingly. 

"What about Adam?" I asked, more to myself than to her.  "You said it yourself. He wants to be friends." She said. "But I don't," I shrugged. 

"And it's not that easy to get over the guy you liked for the past three years!" I exclaimed. 

"So you feel like it's gonna be unfair to Nate?" She asked as I nodded. "And as I told Natasha earlier, I don't think I feel that way towards Nate." 

"It's like when I met Adam, it was easy to know," I said. "It didn't take me a whole day to know I will be falling head over heels for the guy," I added. 

"Not every love has to be quick and grand!" She argued. "I know, but still," I said. "It feels like I am using him as a rebound." I added, shutting down my laptop since I cannot focus anymore. 

"It's okay, you don't have to think too hard about it." She said, "You don't owe anyone anything anyway." 

......

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!" Cried Zayna coming to sit next to me as she cried in excitement. "See!" She exclaimed. 

"What is happening?" Asked Zack, confused by Zayna's sudden attack so subtle attack that didn't fail to attract a few heads towards our direction. But that's the norm you see! 

"Nate," cried the brunette, her face lighting up in excitement. "Keep your voice down, woman!!" I exclaimed, gesturing with my hand for her to quiet down, as I searched the cafeteria for him. But it was pretty empty still with no signs of him. Thankfully. 

"Ok, ok," she nodded, swaying my hand away. "He said he liked her." She added. 

"Really!" Asked the guy in front of me, his eyebrows raised in question. "Yeah," I nodded. 

"And do you like him?" He added. "Who likes who?" Asked Adam, coming to sit next to me. Talk about perfect timing. 

"No one," I cried, as he looked at me in confusion. "Oh, okay," he said, sitting down his tray as he looked at us in confusion.

"When did you get home yesterday?" He asked, getting the hint. "I was in the car when I texted you back," I nodded, shoving some of my food into my mouth as I tried to calm my beating heart. 

"So what did you do?" He asked. "I don't think there is anything here worth doing after hours!" He exclaimed. I am not a liar, but how am I to navigate this without telling him about Nate? He knows I have no other friends but them!

"I went to the rooftop," I said, getting a shocked look from him. "How?!" He asked. 

"One of the janitors gave us the key." I offered. "But there was nothing special up there, just a few old desks and chairs." I shrugged. 

"And I added the voice over I was sent to the presentation. We just need to add music to the rest of it." I said, hoping he would catch the bait and change the subject. 

"So you're gonna add music after all," Teased Zack, and I could tell he was doing it to save my sorry ass the awkwardness I was dreading. "I guess so," I shrugged. 

"Are you guys done?" I asked the girl to my left. "You're presenting tomorrow, right?" I added. 

"Yup," she nodded. "And based on today's presentation, they said she is not that strict unless you add something offensive or you know," she shrugged. 

"Good," I nodded. "I can't wait to get this over with." I sighed. It has been an emotional roller-coaster, especially with our topic of choice. But I can not deny it has been pretty eye-opening and rather interesting to share the struggle with someone else and to hear the voices of people who may otherwise have been voiceless with no representations. It is not like it's anything major, but at the same time, I can not help but feel this small bit of relief, knowing we helped them even if a little. 

....... 

"Why didn't you tell me?" Asked Adam as we stepped into the parking lot, both our bags in his hand as we walked towards his car. "Tell you what?" I asked, looking at him in confusion. 

"About your date." He said, as he clicked his car open, opening the passenger door for me to get in before handing me my bag. How did he know that! 

"How do you know that?" I asked as he took his seat next to mine. "Does it matter?" He asked, his eyebrows raised in confusion. "Why are you so worried about me knowing?" He asked, and I could tell he was hurt by it. 

"And back at the cafeteria." He said, starting the car. "Why did you change the subject when I came?" He asked he started driving towards the main road. "I know he told you he liked you, I could figure out that much, but why would you hide it from me!" He said, catching a glimpse of me in the rearview mirror. 

"It's.." I tried to say, but I got nothing to say. I can't tell him I hid it because I like him and I can't say I hid it because I can not tell the other guy I like him because I can't get over you. I can't tell you because I can't get over you! 

"I'm sorry." I blurted out, not knowing what else to say. "Is it because of that kiss?" He asked, taking me off guard. Why did I think that he would never ever mention that kiss again in his life? 

"I know it made things awkward, and I am sorry for it, Air," He exclaimed, frustration visible in his voice. "But you don't have to hide things from me just because of it!" 

"I told you I don't want things to be strange between us!" He exclaimed. "I don't want that either," I nodded, even though he can not see me. "Then don't make it awkward." Was all he said as his eyes stayed on the road, his fists clinched on the steering wheel like his life depends on it. 

"Is he a good guy?" He asked all of a sudden, making me look at him in confusion. "He should at least be a good guy if I'm going to let you go!" He exclaimed, and I didn't know what to make of it as I nodded once again, knowing well enough he can not see me. "He is." I mumbled. 

"Good," Wass all he said as he continued driving in silence.