How To Be Beautiful.

The One where she is fucked in the head.

"That's it," I exclaimed, throwing myself back into the covers. "I'm taking a break." I added. To which he absent mindedly mumbled a "Mmmm," making me look up at him, to see his face buried in his phone screen, completely engrossed in whatever he was doing. His Adam apple pocking out slightly as he swallowed his saliva, his lips pressed together in a tight line, and I couldn't help but dive into th fantasy of how it would feel against mine.

He hasn't been as distant as he was the day after I told him he could date Senna if he wanted. And I still have no idea why he acted that way but I was too scared to ask about it, so I let it go as we went back to our normal pace.

He looked up, probably feeling my eyes burning holes through his skin, "Hey," He smiled cheekily and I could feel my cheeks turning a few shades darker in embarrassment as he laid back down next to me, turning on his side so that he can face me. "You just Mmmm-ed me," I said, trying to hide my embarrassment. "I'm sorry," He shook his head, offering me one of his signature smiles, knowing well enough how much I hated when someone mmm-s me. "I was just checking something, and I didn't really hear what you said," He explained.

"What are you so taken by that you can't even hear me?" I smiled, raising my eyebrows in question. Silently praying to god, it has nothing to do with Senna, who hadn't failed to cross my mind every time I am with him, ever since I sat with her at Sally's the other week.

He took one of his earphones out, handing it to me. I put it in before scotching closer as he held his phone up in front of us, hitting replay on whatever he was watching a minute ago. And I could hear my heart beat wildly in my chest as he sat there, our faces mere centimetres apart. "This is Leon, or Leo as he liked to be called," He said breaking me out of my thoughts as he pointed at the kid on the screen, who didn't look that much younger than we are.

The video showed more pictures and small video snippets of himself growing up over the years, shortly coming up to last year's videos and pictures where he was always either wearing a cap or covering his face with his hand every time he was on film. And you can clearly notice the extreme weight loss and the baggy clothes, something I knew too well not to notice.

Before cutting into news articles about a kid committing suicide off his school's roof. Article after the other discussing how he was mentally unstable, or how he couldn't deal with the academic pressure, but I could see it in his eyes. I could see the pain of something different, something I knew all too well.

It wasn't school or his mind. It was the people. The people killed him.

"I found a few videos his friends put out about how he was bullied, humiliated and sometimes beaten up at school and how people shouldn't cover up hate and abuse crimes by implying that it was somehow the victim's fault, like how they were enunciating in this video." Said Adam as the video came to an end, sitting up to look at me as the earphones fell off his ear and onto the space between us.

"This is what I wanna show," He said, "I wanna show what this does to the people, how it kills them slowly until they can't do it anymore." He added, sitting his phone down.

"I know," was all I could say, feeling the tears form in the back of my eyes as I grabbed my phone off my nightstand, opening something before handing it to him.

I knew how it felt to be in Leo's shoes, I knew how much it hurts, and how much it makes you hate your own self sometimes and I wanted to show him something of my own.

I watched him slid through the messages, my heart beating loudly knowing I had been rather too open about how I felt towards Kalie and my body, things I have failed to ever be open about with them. But he wanted to show how it felt to be in their shoes, and I couldn't deny him the chance of something real, something personal.

"I've been talking to some people who, you know, share the same experience," I said. And I could feel the tears threatening to fall, as I watched him go through the words I entrusted him with.

"And some agreed to lend me their voices and words for the presentation." I added, pointing at the phone in his hand, but he wasn't listening.

I watched his expression change as he read through the messages, making me want to crawl under the cover and die, but he suddenly looked up, his eyes catching mine. "Why didn't you tell me any of this before?"

"I didn't think anyone would actually listen to a sappy girl complaining about her life," I shrugged, a sob making its way out of my mouth. "Plus, I don't think I even got the right to," I added, and I could feel the wetness on my cheeks.

"Why wouldn't you?" He asked in disbelief.

"Because I've got everything I need," I cried. "I got you, a loving family, a brother who would literally go through hell and back just to make sure I was alright."

"I got everything a girl would ask for," I shook my head, my eyes refusing to meet his. "Why shouldn't I be fine? Why would I complain?" I asked, the tears flowing down my cheeks now, as I failed to hold them back any longer, the sobs making the words come out muffled and distorted.

"So you think they don't?" He asked, pointing at our phones that were long abandoned. "Just because you have us, you shouldn't talk about how you feel?" He cried in disbelief.

"You are fine, Zack is fine, Zayna is fine, Ash is fine, you're all fine." I cried. "I am the only one who's fucked in the head Adam." I added banging my fist to my head.

"I am the only one who is not fine!" I shook my head, my sobs getting louder.

"You're not fucked in the head Air," He said, much calmer now, taking my hands into his.

"I don't know, Adam." I really don't. "Maybe I just can't have everything," I shrugged in between sobs.

"And who said you can't?!" He whispered, "You're just so cruel on yourself." He added, taking me in for a hug allowing me to cry on his shoulder, his hoodie getting soaked by my tears, but he wouldn't loosen his grip on me as I tried to get off, "Don't" He said sensing my struggles. "I don't care about the damn shirt Claire," He Said sternly as I stopped struggling, crying into his shoulders like I got nothing to lose.

How can I complain when I have you?