How To Be Beautiful.

The One where I love you ... as a friend.

"You still haven't talked to him?" Asked Zack as we made our way to the cafeteria. "I don't know what to say," I argued, feeling as flustered as I was when it happened.

"What exactly do one say after running off like that?" I added, groaning in frustration. "I still don't get why you did that, to be honest," He said, and I could sense how hard he was trying to hold back his laughter. And I kind of understand where he is coming from. After what I pulled on Adam the other day, I sure felt stupid. "I don't know, it was so sudden and with Senna and everything that has happened," I said. "I guess I just couldn't think straight!" I added.

"It was dumb I know," I sighed as I took my seat next to his, "Oh my god!" Cried Zayna from all the way across the cafeteria as she practically ran towards us, getting a few weird looks. Thank god we came early, and there weren't many people around still!

"He kissed you!" She exclaimed, sitting her tray on the table, before taking her seat next to me. And you could see the excitement on her face as she sat there beaming at me like a kid on his birthday. "Who the hell sends a text like this, only to leave us hanging afterwards!" She cried, referring to the text I sent them on the girl's group chat before I shut my phone off, trying to sleep and forget what I just did.

"One who's not very proud of what she did next," I said cautiously. "What the heck did you do?" She asked knowingly. I guess I have a reputation.

"She ran off," said Natasha, taking her seat on the other side of the table. "You did what?" Asked Zayna in disbelief.

"How did you know that?" I asked in confusion, I am pretty certain I haven't told her yet. "We saw Adam this morning in class, and he was acting off, which wasn't the reaction I was hoping for, so I pressured him until he told us what happened." She explained, pointing between her and Zack.

"So you already knew?" I asked Zack in confusion. "You seemed like you wanted to get it off your chest so I didn't stop you," He shrugged, with an innocent smile as I groaned in disbelief. "He is mad?" I asked, hoping they would say no.

"I wouldn't say mad, just disappointed maybe." Explained Ash. "He didn't say much," She added.  "Can someone please explain what the fuck happened?" Cried Zayna.

"I ran out of the car after he kissed me, and didn't say a word to him ever since." I explained.

"What the fuck!" She cried, looking at me like I was an idiot. "Why would you do that?"

"I don't know, ok! I just got caught off guard, and I didn't know what to say or do, so I just ran out."

"This is the most pathetic thing I've ever heard in my life." She shook her head. "I know, Zay, you don't have to rub it in my face." I sighed, sinking deeper into my chair.

"Have you seen him again since morning?" I asked, looking between Zack and Ash, as they shook their heads no. "I feel like he's been avoiding me!"

"He wouldn't do that!" Said Ash, shaking her head no.

"But I haven't seen him since morning!" I cried. "And he didn't even join us for lunch!"

"He must have something to do,"

"And you have English after this. You can talk to him then." Said Zack. "I guess," I nodded.

"Let's hope you don't act like a freaking psycho this time." Said Zay, and I could tell she was mad, but I wasn't in the mood to argue with her so I just got up, "I'll run to the bathroom and probably go wait in class, I don't feel like eating anyway." I announced before making my way out, not waiting for an answer. 

....

"Hey," I heard him mutter as he took his seat next to mine, and I could feel my heart beat wildly in my chest. "Hey," I mumbled, my voice low and inaudible.

"I think we should talk," I mumbled, unable to meet his eyes. "Yeah," He answered, and I could feel his eyes on me as I fumbled through my bag until the teacher appeared announcing the beginning of class, sparing me the awkwardness of my pity self.

"I'm sorry," He said as we walked towards my locker. "I didn't mean to catch you off guard." He said, his eyes still fixated on me.

"I don't know what came over me." He added. "I know I shouldn't have done it."

"What?" I asked, confused at what he meant by that. "I don't want things to be awkward between us,"

"Oh," so the kiss meant nothing! I don't know what I expected him to say or do, but I most certainly didn't expect this.

"It's uhmm," I tried to say, pushing in the code to my locker a couple of times until I got it right as it popped open. "It's fine. It was just a spur of a moment thing." I said, hiding my face behind my locker door, unable to remember what I came here for anymore. "It shouldn't have happened." I added, feeling the tears burn in the back of my eyes, but I tried to swallow them before grabbing the first book I saw, shutting the door, turning back to him with a smile.

"Don't worry about it," I smiled, shaking my head in assurance. "You think so?" He asked, with raised eyebrows.

"Sure, plus I love you as a friend." I added. "And I wouldn't want this to strain our relationship." I added, bitting my tongue a I tried not to cry.

"Oh," He mumbled, "I think I have to go. Class is about to start." I said, speeding away, not waiting for an answer.

It was a mistake.
....

"Another cover?" Asked Amy, coming to sit next to me as I fumbled with my guitar, my laptop long abandoned as I replayed what he said over and over in my head trying to make sense of what happened.

"I heard about the kiss," Said she with a beaming smile, trying to get me to talk.

I looked up at her, "The one he regrets?" I asked, with a rather disappointed smile. "What?" She asked in confusion as her face dropped into a frown. "He said that?"

"Yeah, he regrets kissing me," I shrugged, as she moved closer, pulling me in for a side hug and I could feel the tears finally starting to pool in my eyes after being held captive for so long. "It's like.. " I tried to say feeling the sob in the back of my throat.

"I don't know what I expected," I said, my sobs becoming audible. "But it wasn't this."

"It's okay," she said, batting me on the back, as she held me closer.

"But it isn't," I cried. "It's so cruel."

"It's gonna be ok." She assured me, squeezing my arm. "How?!" I exclaimed.

"I don't know," She mumbled.