dysphoria - joshler

9

i woke up on my old sofa

i looked down and the only marks on my arms were old scars

tyler walked into my living room holding his ukulele

"hey, you okay?" he asked me

"uh yeah" i replied

he looked at me confused

"what?" i asked him

"nothing don't worry" he smiled

"what time is it?" I looked at him

"uh, six in the afternoon why?" he asked

"no reason" i answered as i got up off of my sofa and walked into my kitchen to get a redbull

i opened my fridge and there was food inside it

now i was even more confused

i picked up a can of redbull and walked upstairs

i walked into my bedroom to get some clothes and i had a weird feeling

i found my box of cigarettes took one out and lit it

i walked into my bathroom and took my shirt off

i almost screamed at the sight

"im never going to wear a shirt ever again" i said out loud

"and I have blue hair!" I squealed

i ran downstairs cigarette in hand and a huge smile on my face

"tyler! look! i'm so fucking happy" i shouted

he looked at me and laughed

"what do you mean? you've been like that for half of the year, i came with you when you had it done" he smiled

I was full of so many emotions

"brendon is coming over soon with his boyfriend, I thought that we could have like a little party to celebrate the 6 month anniversary" tyler spoke

"uh sure of course" I replied

I sat down next to him on my sofa still smoking my cigarette

"im so fucking happy" I looked at him

"aw jish don't start crying" he poked out his bottom lip and laughed

I laughed at him

I never thought that I could feel happiness again, but here we are

there was a knock at the door

I jumped up and walked over putting my cigarette in my mouth so I could open the door

when I opened the door brendon was stood there with a boy

"you gonna let us in then dickface?" he laughed

"oh shit yeah" I laughed and moved back so they had room to walk in

I closed the door behind them and walked in

"so how's it all going?" brendon asked looking at me and tyler

I looked at tyler and realised I wasn't wearing a shirt

"im not putting my shirt back on" I smiled

"you've been waiting all your life for this so it's alright we get it" brendon laughed

I walked outside on the front porch and sat down on a chair

what the fuck is going on? I hate

as I lit a cigarette tyler walked out

"you okay?" he asked me

"no I'm really not" I answered him

"what's up?" he questioned me as he sat down in a chair next to me

"is this real?" I spoke

"what do you mean? of course its real" he  laughed

"it seems like yesterday the incident happened" I looked down at the floor

"which one?" he asked

"where me, you and brendon were in college and I walked out and didn't speak to anyone" I sighed

"that wasn't that long ago" he  replied

"I'm so fucking confused" I spoke

"just try and explain it as much as you can" he told me

"all I can remember is overdosing and I had cuts on my arms and stuff and I passed out, I woke up on my sofa and now there's no marks on my arms and I'm fine?" I spoke with my eyebrows tied in confusion

"maybe you should go lay down and try to sleep for a bit" he told me

I got up and smoked the last of my cigarette

"you'll be okay trust me, I'm here and brendon is here. we've got you" he told me as he hugged me

"thank you" I spoke and walked back inside

"you alright josh?" I heard brendon say

"I hope I will be" I sighed and walked up stairs

I walked into my bedroom and crawled into my bed

this is the only place I feel comfortable

not long after I ended up falling asleep