House Rules

Reversal

It could’ve been the fact that the bras were sensible and ordinary like something you’d buy from Dillard’s, but something told you this store wasn’t the one. “Excuse me, um, Pam? What do you think of this,” you squint raising a full-cupped champagne pink satin bra to the female employee. She tosses her orangish hair, studying the the underwire.

“Foooor..?”

“A special night,” you smile, “Not saying that anything is going to happen, but if it does..” you pause realizing how hopeful you sound. “I’m just trying to prepare myself for the possibility that maybe..,” you chuckle, “Ughh, neverm-”

“Oh hun, if you’re this shy about sex, you’re not ready. Save it for your honeymoon and dodge the bullet.. while ya still can,” she whispers and her southern accent is so thick you can hear the yeehaw. It’s slower than you’re used to.

“Honeymoon,” you scoff, “Yeah sure, as soon as I locate a decent male who’s faithful and actually wants a relationship.” She nods and you comtinue, “They’re like unicorns. My best friend is the closest thing to it, but our relationship is confusing and there’s a lot of people involved. He’s honest about it, but still. I need what I need.

“You’re a one horse girl,” she nods.

“Exactly! And he’s so irritating, petty, and bossy, not to mention immature, and a habitual smartass. He’s literally an asshole,” you scowl recounting the things he’s done to piss you off. “He’s infuriating,” you seethe before releasing the most annoyingly hopeless sigh. “…I think I love him.”

“Sounds like my second husband,” she mutters, lost in thought. Her light blue eyes peer off as if recalling an pleasant moment from the past. “Ralph. Hell on earth to live with but when he passed, I missed that old bastard.

"I’m sorry,” you say respectfully lowering your head to offer your condolences.

“Don’t be,” she leans in, “I poisoned him. Snake cheated on me with my sister, Debbie. Still, other than the infidelity and the mess he left through the house, he was a peach.” You nod, unsure of how to respond and she writes her name and number on a card. “You know what, honey, take my info and keep in touch. I hope this man doesn’t cheat on you like Ralph did me, but if anything should happen.. You call Pamela. We’ll make it look like an accident,” she winks, tapping your chin like a white auntie.

You’ve yet to buy anything. You aren’t in a shopping mood and as you wander through various stores, feelings up fabrics.. it all looks like a blur of color. Suddenly, you spot a couple of black women walking together with large bags in their hands. They seem to be your age and they’re dressed in hip, trendy styles. An idea hits you and immediately your feet move in their direction.

“Hi… i’m sorry this is like really weird, but would you two mind lending me some fashion advice since you two look stunning?” You’re still not willing to let Erik convince you that you’re tacky. You simply don’t go the extra mile, choosing comfort and simplicity. Theres a difference.

“Umm.. sure,” the one with the top knot stares quizzically while the one with the short twists is visibly flattered by your comment. “We can help.. what’s your budget look like,” Top Knot asks and you know Erik is good for whatever you spend, but you still want to spend reasonably. He’s not an ATM and if it was your money.. tuh. “I need several outfits including shoes and lingerie and they need to look amazing. I will splurge on the cost if it’s worth it.” You pull out his card and their eyes light up. “That’s a black card,” the one with short twists points, stating the obvious.