Can't Get Along (Levi X Reader)

4. Muddled Thoughts

Reader POV

I woke up late the next morning back in my bed and sat up, looking around in confusion. I know I hadn't fallen asleep here and I distinctly remembered sitting with Levi by the fire and falling asleep on the floor. Maybe I'd woken up between then and now and come back here? I doubt it, if I had, I'd remember it, right? One possibility nagged at the back of my mind. Levi brought me back here after he woke up and I was still sleeping. I didn't want to believe that Levi would do something as kind as that when he was fully aware and not under the influence of exhaustion. That just couldn't possibly be true, could it? Well, I sure as hell wasn't going to ask him flat out.

My eyes landed on a now cold cup of tea sitting on my bedside table with a small plate beside it, a crusty roll of bread on it. I swung my legs over the edge of my bed and picked up the bread roll, taking a bite. As expected, it was stale and tasteless, but so were most things that the cadets made in large batches. But I was pretty hungry after being awake most of the night so even though it was stale and bland, it was good. I washed it down with the cold, plain black tea and sighed.

I picked up the two dishes and got out of bed, leaving my bedroom to bring them to the kitchen where I could clean them. I didn't spot Levi in the sitting room or the kitchen and his bedroom door had been closed so He was most likely in there. But why did I care? It was very obvious now that nagging thought in the back of my mind had been right but did I have to thank him? I shouldn't have to, I helped him get to sleep last night and his actions were just returning a kind favor, so there was no need for thanks... Everything would probably just go back to how it was before that incident last night. But why did that thought pull at my heart in a way that made me slightly disappointed? I was still tired, yeah, that was the reason. I needed to do something to take my mind off it, but what?

I finished washing my dishes and put them away, walking over to the sitting room to look around for a book or anything. Nothing stood out to me, except the box in the corner that Hanji had left there with our ODM gear packed up inside it just in case anything crazy unlikely did happen. With a slight shrug, I walked over to the box and opened it, taking out the case inside with my name labeled on the handle and bringing it back to my bedroom. I got changed out of my sleepwear which was just a plain long sleeve shirt and thin sweatpants and into my uniform pants and shirt, getting on my ODM harness afterward.

Once I was all ready, I pulled on my Scouting Legion jacket and rushed out of the cabin, running around the back toward the small expanse of pine forest. These trees weren't as tall as the ones in the forests of giant trees but they were still tall enough to have some fun with my ODM gear. When I reached the tree line, I shot up into the nearest tree. As I launched myself around in the trees flipping and spinning, dark clouds began to gather in the sky and soon it started to rain. The rain was gentle at first, just a light sprinkle that slowly soaked into my hair and tan jacket, turning it a darker brown wherever the little droplets of water landed on it. But it quickly turned into a downpour.

Soon my clothes were soaked and water ran down the wires of my ODM gear each time I shot them out but I didn't care. I was relaxed and enjoying my time alone with nothing plaguing my mind. It was nice until a stern voice broke through the sound of the harsh rain and I looked around to find the source mid-air. One second I was flying through the air and the next I smacked right into the rough trunk of the pine tree I'd been headed toward. The impact knocked the air right out of me and I fell backward, head first toward the ground. It was a good thing I had quick reflexes, using one wire of my ODM gear to catch myself hanging upside down from the tree with my head only two feet or so from the muddy ground.

Levi stood directly in front of me, his green cape protecting his hair and shirt from getting wet. His boots were a little muddy from walking around out here but it didn't appear that he had been outside in this rain for very long. I looked up from his boots to his grey eyes that stared blankly down at me. "What the hell are you doing out here?" He asked, crossing his arms under his cloak. "I was enjoying some alone time." "Tch, you look like a drowned rat." he turned to walk off back toward the cabin, leaving me there to try and get down without getting myself all muddy. I managed it somehow, but I'm pretty sure I tweaked something in my back trying to move around like that. Oh well. It would be fine if I just rested for a day. Most likely. I followed after him back to the cabin, lagging behind by a few yards and just watching him walk.

Levi POV

I sighed as I walked away from her hanging upside down like that. I don't know what the hell had come over me when it had started to pour and I didn't see her in any room in the cabin but I had to make sure she was okay. It had been pretty easy to figure out where and what she was doing since her ODM gear case wasn't in the box in the sitting room and the gear itself was missing from the case that lay open on her bed in her room. It was pretty easy to find her once in the woods too. I just followed the soft thunk of the hooks digging into trees.

She looked like shit when I found her, soaked to the bone and her hair sticking to her face. But something about her appearance reminded me of myself when I had lost Farlan and Isabel and then the others during the fiasco with the female titan last year. Her eyes had looked angry and sad but the rest of her face didn't show any emotion at all. She'd come out here to clear her head from something and I couldn't really blame her. This world was cruel and nothing ever went the way we wanted it to. That look on someone else had never bothered me before. So why did I feel so strange about seeing (Name) like that?

It was as if something in me had changed after that incident last night. Her sad (e/c) eyes, the way the fire reflected in them as they had grown slightly glossy as she sat in silence watching the dying flames... She hadn't cried, and it hadn't appeared as if she would. But despite her own feelings last night over whatever was on her mind, she'd helped me get to sleep first and even sang such a happy lullaby. And when I'd woken up and looked at her, there had been the faintest smile on her lips, something I'd never seen her do before. And it had pulled at my heart in a familiar way that I really didn't want to experience again. I'd felt it with Isabel and when she died my whole world came crashing down around me. I couldn't allow myself to get attached to this girl in any way but I was finding that difficult no matter how much I tried to avoid it.

The attachment was already there and no matter how much I denied it and tried to act as if nothing had happened last night, I couldn't stop myself from worrying even a small amount. This couldn't end well for either of us, I knew that. Everyone I came to care for died and I couldn't stand any more death because of these stupid titans. I know I always put up the stoic act and pretended to not care about anything, but I did care... About everything. Every death on every expedition beyond Wall Rose weighed on my mind day in and day out. Some deaths affected me more than others but they all haunted me. I was Humanity's Strongest and had an image to uphold but I was broken on the inside, softhearted despite the act I put up.

Once inside the cabin again, I left my boots by the door and hung up my cloak, heading straight to my bedroom to be alone with the paperwork that I'd brought with me concerning the upcoming expedition. I just needed a distraction of my own for the moment, my mind too cluttered and stressed but I didn't want to go back out into the rain to take a walk. I'd probably get sick if I did that considering the cold nights...