Can't Get Along (Levi X Reader)

25. Torn

Jean POV

"Kirschtein, remove your hands from what's mine or so help me I will do it for you." The Corporal's rough voice suddenly spoke up and (Name) and I both jumped a little but I was quick to take my arm away from its place wrapped around her. "Yes, sir." I sighed, pushing myself to my feet as (Name) helped Levi to sit up. I knew this wasn't my place but damn it still hurt to know she wasn't mine. Not even a little bit. In the past 4 months my feelings for (Name) hadn't gone away. If anything they had grown stronger and I wanted nothing more than to be a part of what those two had with each other. I didn't even care if I would have to share. I just wanted at least part of her for myself. I left them to talk and started to check on the other injured or unconscious soldiers, lost in my own pained thoughts.

I caught the apologetic look she gave me as I walked off and it didn't make things easier for me. My heart felt like a lead weight in my chest but at the same time I could feel it fluttering at knowing she still cared about me and my feelings. I was so torn up about the situation. If only I'd fallen for her earlier... Maybe then I could have had her. But our lives never seemed to work out the way we wanted them to. This world was cruel and liked to toy with us. It would allow us to make connections and fall in love with people we never wanted to lose and then it would take those people away from us. It wasn't always in death either. Sometimes we would be separated by the division of the military we went to. Or just the district we ended up living in after becoming soldiers. And sometimes the people we came to care about most would fall in love with someone else and you would be forced to watch them be happy with someone that isn't you. First Marco... And now (Name). What had I done to deserve such a cruel, twisted fate?

I sighed heavily as I helped a few soldiers that had come to to sit up and make sure they were okay.

Reader POV

I looked after Jean as he helped some other soldiers that were waking up and frowned. He looked so sad and I felt horrible that I couldn't give part of myself to him like he wanted. I heard Levi sigh heavily beside me and snapped my eyes over to meet his only he wasn't looking at me. "It really pisses me off that anything at all happened between you and him, but I see the way you look at each other. You love him too, don't you?" His words struck me right through the heart like a spear and I bit my lip, looking down at my hand still holding his. Ever since that one night with Jean a few months ago, feelings definitely had manifested in my heart and it tore me up inside. "I do. But I love you, Levi." "As much as I hate the idea of you with anyone other than me, I just want you to be happy. And I can tell you're not. Our lives are too unpredictable and too short. We don't know when we might die. Any one of us could die today or tomorrow or next week." I furrowed my brows in confusion and looked up to meet his gaze that I could feel boring into me. "What are you trying to say, Levi? I don't get it." He heaved another sigh and pulled his hand away from mine to cup my cheek, stroking it lightly with his thumb and I leaned my head against his touch, closing my eyes for a second. "If you need both of us to make you truly happy for the time that you have in this world, then... I can try to accept it. I just... I don't want to see any of it or hear about it, okay?" My eyes snapped open again and I stared at him with wide eyes. "Levi... but..." "Look, I've seen many young people die unhappy. I don't want that for you. You have me and I'm not enough. I can see that much. You and that boy need each other. I don't want to share you but there's no telling what might happen to any of us tomorrow, so we need to make choices that we'll regret the least. I don't know what this choice I'm making will mean down the road but I don't think I'll regret anything that would make you happier in the end."

My eyes were watering by the end of his little speech and a few silent tears escaped my eyes as I leaned over and hugged him tightly around the shoulders. I felt like a huge weight had just been lifted from my chest and I could finally breathe normally. I didn't want Levi to put my feelings before his own like this. I could tell this hurt him and that it was difficult for him to say these things but it really did prove how much he cared about me. He put my happiness above his own and I appreciated it. I had no idea what I would do with this new situation that he opened up for us, but for now I was just happy that I had the option to have everything that would make me happy if I so chose. For now though, I wasn't going to make any decision about Jean. I was just going to sit here and hold one of the men that I loved in my arms.

I felt his arms wrap around me and he rubbed my back with a soft sigh. "I love you too, little brat." He whispered quietly, his lips and nose pressed into my hair. I laughed a tiny bit through my silent crying and nuzzled my face into his shoulder. "I'm so happy you're okay. I don't know how I could ever live without you." "Me too." He mumbled and I felt his lips curve up into a smile against my head. The mood had completely turned around in a matter of seconds and I was so glad that he was able to feel happy too despite the conversation we just had...