"Why did you break up ?" My best friend asked me.
I stared at him long enough for him to wave his hand in front of my face to pull me out of my own mind.
I didn't know what to tell him, and his question brought back so many memories, fights, laughs. Mostly fights. And I was terrified of telling him how much of an asshole my ex-boyfriend was. He was gonna get super mad at me for not stopping it, and waiting for my soul to break to leave him.
"I couldn't do it anymore," I paused not knowing what is it that I couldn't do anymore, I'm pretty sure it wasn't a relationship, "he choked me to death, he stole all the light he put in me at the beginning of our relationship, I got so tired" I said looking away from him.
I really didn't want to see the worry in his eyes, and I didn't want him to see how broken I was.
"I wanted a relationship that I can count on my partner when I'm troubled, I wanted a relationship where I'd fear losing him more than I'd fear him finding out that I have guy friends, I wanted a relationship where I can't wait to spend time with him, not wait for the fight to happen just to get over with it, I wanted a relationship where he understands that things don't happen the way he wants.
I want a relationship where I feel loved not owned." By this time I became angrier than I'd like to admit, or want to be. He shouldn't have this much affect on me, but he still gets to me, he still annoys me, what he did still annoys me, and he had the balls to blame me.
Mark looked at me and knew that I was at the edge of having an angry mental breakdown and start smashing things, so he put his hand over mine, and rubbed his thumb over the top of it.
Mark's eyes were extremely sympathetic I hated him for a second, but he is here for me when I'm not here for myself.
I lost myself after our break up, but it had to happen I had to stop him. He tortured me.
I still don't want to admit that I'm lost to my best friend, because he will lose his shit and go on a killing spree.
Fuck I don't think I want to admit it to myself.
Mark knew better than to continue our conversation so he just held my hand while finishing our breakfast, he knew I'll hate myself if I broke down to tears in a public place.
After our little breakfast we went to the sea, it wasn't far, and it was fun.
