It's weird how I never thought of what my cousins may be going through. Like right now I'm lying here thinking of all the things that has happened since the last time I saw them and how tons of shit probably happened to them as well.
I always considered myself as someone who cares for others but apparently I don't. The fact that I know nothing about my cousins' lives is annoying me, I grew up with these how come we talk once every 3 years ? How did we end up this way? Why is so hard for me to just casually text my cousins and tell them let's grab a bite ?
I'm always saying I'll never cut family out, even after marriage or like 20 years, but I am still in my father's house and know no shit about my cousins.
We've grown so far apart things are PRETTY AWKWARD between us, and I hate it. Like family's all you've got, no amount of friends or best friends will replace family, how did I allow our relationship to become so formal ? When did it even happen ? Have I been so self centred that I've forgotten to ask my cousins about their day ?
..
I find it odd how our first instinct is to defend ourselves, and blame others even if we're wrong.
Honestly, it's so disappointing that we'd throw people under the fucking train just so people wouldn't think differently of us. Who cares what they think, if someone wants to be by your side no matter what you do or how you are, they will be there.
