Not Over You

The Party

"Dude I think I got everything" Sammy says bringing bags into Johnson's house and spreading them on to the counter "Who is getting booze?" Jack asks looking at me "No bro" I say shaking my head "Tell them it's bring your own, I'm not into that shit anymore" he laughs "Whatever Gilinsky" he says pulling out bags of chips and other snacks. Sammy pulls out his phone and plugs it into the speakers blaring rap and EDM music throughout the house "Hey Sam, how bout we don't get the cops called tonight?" I say turning down the music and he shrugs grabbing a soda. "People are here" Kenny says running into the kitchen "Is this like your first party or what?" I ask leaning against the counter "No" he says defensively "I've been to plenty, just not like thrashers and stuff" Sammy laughs patting Kenny's shoulder "Well you will like this". I walk out to the backyard and pull a chair up around the fire pit sitting on the far side so I can see everyone come in. "Jack! How you been?" A few guys ask "Good" I say shaking their hands. I see old friends, but mostly unfamiliar faces. It just adds to the feeling that I don't belong here anymore. The party starts to pick up and soon the place is bumping "Why are you sitting over here alone?" Kenny asks sitting down next to me, sweat pouring down his face "I don't know, this just isn't me anymore, it feels like childish" I crush a can in my hand and drop it to the grass. "Well suit yourself" Kenny says standing up and running back into the crowd. I scan the crowd hoping to see Kylie dip into the party, she wouldn't have missed it a few months ago, but people change I guess.

I get up and work my way against the edge of the mob and into the house, people litter each room; some drunk, some passed out, some dancing and some hooking up. I plug my nose passing over piles of barf and head upstairs unlocking Jacks room and letting myself in. I throw the T.V on and kick back on to his bed. I couldn't really explain why I wasn't enjoying the party, but ever since I got to go on tour and experience all types of living and life, getting drunk sounded like a waste of my time. As cliché as it may sound I felt like I had a duty to uphold my image so not to embarrass myself or my loyal fans, because they always come first. My thoughts are interrupted by the door opening "Oh I'm sorry I didn't realize anyone was in here" Kylie says opening the door "No, no it's okay, come in" she awkwardly shuffles into the room and sits in Jacks desk chair in the opposite corner "Listen-" "Why" we both start "Go ahead" I tell her and she swallows "Why are you up here alone?" She asks timidly, like we are strangers "I mean King Gilinsky used to rule these parties" I shrug "It's just not me, I can't really explain it, but I don't like looking back at what I had become" I bite my cheek as she nods like she understands "Listen" I start again "Like you said I'm not King Gilinsky anymore, I'm just Jack" I get up and sit on the foot of the bed closer to her "I'm sorry Kylie, I never told you that, I'd never thought in my wildest dreams that I would ever apologize for being myself" I swallow hard "but I was an asshole, and I can't even begin to imagine how I hurt you" she looks away and I'm not sure if she's not buying it or if she's still hurting over it. "I'm not that guy anymore, at least I'm trying not to be" I shake my head "I feel like I really let you down when we dated and this time away from home has been hard" I can feel the corners of my eyes start to burn and tears race to the surface of my eyes "and seeing you today killed me, because the honest truth is" I reach for her hand and wrap it softly into mine "Kylie, I'm not over you".