Dameged Goods- Jamilams

Chapter 2 - Non-Stop

*Ham Ham Pov*
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Its dark. Nothing new.
My head hurts.
Am I dead?
   No. There is a light but it's more like a lightbulb and I can hear... humming? Either that or a really annoying bug.  I want to sit up and open my eyes but my body screams no. I can't blame it, last time I slept was like a week ago? Maybe two. No, wait, three, yeah three.

   I open my eyes. I'm on a couch, probably in someone's dorm. The living room and kitchen are connected so I can see two people. One with poofy brown hair is cooking while humming a tune I don't recognize while the other is sitting at the table reading. I try to sit up but hiss as pain shoots through my stomach. This turns their attention to me.

  "Take it easy, darlin'" The taller one says, his voice had a southern tinge to it. The freckled one nodded. In a normal circumstance I would have argued but pain flared everytime I moved, so I just nodded.

    I realized I should probably go back to my dorm so, ignoring  the pain in my stomach, I sat up.

"Didn't we just tell you to take it easy?" The freckled boy said. I nodded and looked around for my stuff. There it was, by the couch. I hadn't realized the boy got up. "Hey," his voice was soft, "Take a break, the bags under your eyes have bags." I shake my head. I'm too busy, too..  Non-stop.
I take a risk and use sign language, "I have to get to my dorm, thanks for helping though."

    "This is your dorm. I'm John Laurens, that over there is the my boyfriend, aka the second gayest rainbow, or Thomas Jefferson. What about you?"

     "Alexander Hamilton, and this is really my dorm?" He nodded and I lay back down on the couch, just glad to relax a bit. "When was the last time you slept?" Oh gosh, he seems worried about me already, if I tell him the last time I slept he might panic.

  "Um, just now?" He chukled slightly at my joke and I felt my face heat up, his smile was pretty cute- No! He's dating your other roommate Hamilton,  get your head together! The taller man came into the room, eating a bowl of mac-n-cheese.

    "Really," he asked sitting down, "When was the last time you slept?" I averted my eyes, looking instead at the stove that had just been turned off, "About three weeks or so."  John gave me a look that said, ' You better be joking.'. Thomas looked up from his food at me, worry darting across his eyes.

    I tried to change the subject. "Do you know how to cook anything else?" I made sure to make my face look polite and curious, I wasn't trying to be rude, I was just curious about how well if a cook his was. "Not really, I can cook pre-made meals and John can manage to set water on fire." I smiled at the thought. "Well then, tomorrow I'm cooking, my way to say thank you" He shook his head, "You don't have to do that-" "I know. Just let me do the cooking okay?"

   And with that I stood up, ignoring the pain, and picked up my single bag. Then looked at them, my hand was full so I couldn't sign. They seemed to get the message and led me to my room. After they left I started to unpack the few things I had, clothes in the closet, laptop on the desk, picture on the bedside table, and-

   I picked up the small, stuffed lion. The only thing left from a better time. Sighing I set next to the picture. I rubbed a finger over it before checking the time. 9:49 PM. How long was I out? And how much was because of my head, and how much from lack if sleep?

  I sigh and sit down on the provided bed, then realize I put my laptop on my desk. I'm too tired to get it. I let out a humorless 'heh' before putting an arm over my eyes and laying back. Why am I here? Why didn't I die with my mother? Why didn't I die in the hurricane? Why didn't I commit suicide like my cousin? Why didn't I just go to the top of this building and jump, before I got attached to anyone, just to see them die too?

Because your a coward.

Because I'm too scared to die and the universe took pity on me.

That's right. That's what everyone does. They take pity. Those boys? They probably only talk to you because they feel bad.

A tear shed from my eye. The voice was right.

Doesn't the truth hurt?

   "Alex? Me and Thomas are going to bed, alright? We just wanted you to know, tell us if you need anything." John's soothing voice interrupted my conversation with the voice. I slid a note under the door.

   Ok, I'm going to bed too, sorry I'm not signing but I'm changing. See you tomorrow.

~ A. Ham

   I knew my soul mates could feel my sadness but.. I didn't want to talk to them right now. And it was a lie by the way, I wasn't changing, I was crying. And I'm too much of a coward to let him find out. Ha. Pathetic.

*Tol bean P.O.V.*

    John crawled into bed after telling Alex we were going to sleep. A small note appeared on my arm and I turned on the bedside lamp to see it.

My Dearest, Soul mates,

I know you will feel my emotions tonight. But please don't speak to me right now. I just want to be alone. I'm sorry.

Love, Your soulmate.

    I sighed, who would want to be alone right now? When they were depressed? Oh well. As much as I hated it, I didn't say anything when waves if sadness, anger, regret, guilt, fear, loneliness and more washed over me. I could tell, no matter what my soul mate told anyone,  they weren't sleeping.

    I looked over at John, tears running down his face, freckles dotting it like a galaxy, and held him closer, whispering sweet nothings in his ear. But I could tell that he felt the same. That despite everything, the sadness, the fear, the pain, the regret, the guilt, the self anger,

Lonlieness felt the worse.

(So. You want to kill me yet? It gets worse. Almost as bad as my writing skills. Yeah, I know this book is garbage. But ya know, I'm trying, which is good. 1118 words)