Thomas had never been one for things he didn't understand. It was why he had never looked into the studies of soulmates as much as John. But that didn't stop him from listening whenever John found something interesting.
"Hey Thomas! Apparently, when a soulmate is panicking, you can calm them down by slowing your breathing, helping their heart match yours again!"
"Thomas! I read that, although rare, some soulmates have such a connection to each other that they share dreams! They see each other and everything!"
"Did you know that soulmates can feel the writing or drawing of another soulmate when asleep? Isn't that cool, Thomas?"
He had never been quite as fascinated as John, nor had he looked into the studies himself.
Well, save for one time.
But besides that, Thomas had never quite understood the concept of soulmates. That wasn't to say he disliked it, but it did arouse questions no human on Earth could answer. He wasn't exactly skeptical when John told him that he had shared a dream with Alexander- just confused and-
Well the only word for it was afraid.
He was afraid of Alexander never waking up. He was afraid of talking with Alexander now, finding himself falling in love all over again and ten times as much. He was afraid one day he may lose Alexander, and that he would never see Alexander again- dream or reality.
But John had insisted.
"I already promised him you would come! He misses you Thomas. He misses both of us. Please?"
Thomas sighs and nods, "Course I will, John." He smiles, ignoring the swirl of worry in his stomach. John smiles, eyes already drooping with sleepiness.
"Love you Thomas."
"I love you John." He mumbles, watching as his freckled boyfriend drifted into sleep. It took much longer for Thomas himself to fall asleep, but he did eventually, allowing his mind to go black without worry and without care.
He woke up in a field, John lying next to him.
"Hey! You're here!"
Thomas sat up, looking around in wonder. They were sitting in a field of flowers, the sound of ocean waves crashing against the sand. When he breathed deeply, he could smell the salt water, only countered with the smell of asters. In the distance he saw a small house, resting on the edge of the field and of the ocean.
"Whoa! That wasn't here before." John stood up, grabbing Thomas's hand. Thomas stumbled as John dragged him to the house, the freckled man beaming.
"I bet you Alexander's in here!" Sure enough, when they opened the front door (painted blue, a nice color-) the shortest gremlin of all is on the couch, reading. Thomas can barely believe his eyes.
Alex smiles and stands, going to say something- but is tackled by John, making them both fall back on the couch, a giggling mess. Thomas laughs, and for a second it's happy and normal and safe.
But it's not.
Alex untangles himself from under John, going to hug Thomas (and drag him down with the rest of them). Thomas laughs again, allowing it.
It's not real.
Alexander says something and Thomas marvels at the beauty of his voice. It's thick with accent, and smooth and soft and sweet. John looks around in wonder. Thomas smiles.
But Alex is asleep.
He's in the hospital.
This isn't-
"Thomas! Aren't you listening? Alex said that he thinks these places are our happy places. The sea, this house, and the flower field." John gestures out the window at the sea, "It makes sense, don't you think? It's only complete when we're all here."
Thomas agrees that it makes sense, though he's not all too sure. Soulmates still confused him- there was no science behind it. ((Thomas stop being self-aware I stg))
Alex wants to explore, John agrees, Thomas follows. He's disassociating, allowing his mind to wander and wonder and worry. They find a bedroom with a huge bed, three desks, and a large closet. Alexander looks happily at the dozens of empty notebooks on one of the desks.
They build sandcastles, make flower crowns, have a fashion show. It's like nothing is wrong at all.
So why does Thomas feel like there is?
It's much later that John can tell it's time to wake up. To go back.
Alexander's smile falters, falling for a second. "You'll be back, right?"
Thomas studies Alexander carefully, "Will you come back to us?" He didn't mean to snap- Alex looks so hurt, why did he have to do that- He's sorry Alexander- wait-
"Of course!" Alex looks hurt, "I'm trying-"
"No." Stop being mean- why are you snapping, John looks upset- why are you like this- Alexander looks like he's gonna cry- You messed up- stop-
"I don't want you to 'try' Alex." He spat it like poison, "I want you back. I want you to cut this dream fantasy and come back to us. You're staying here having tons of fun and messing around and-" He gestures widely, "Being here! You don't belong here- you belong with us, in the real world and not some dreamy happily-ever-fake-after. You realize we're all just.. waiting, right!? Samuel, Zachery, Angie, Pegs, John, Me, everyone! While you just.. live it up like we don't matter!!"
John's grabbing his arm, whispering his name. Alexander's eyes burn with tears. And with fury.
"You think I want this?" His voice makes Thomas's heart ache. It's shaking and hurt and mad and upset and- "You think I want to be here, alone, without you? You think I liked being shot and abused and- and-" He doesn't finish, taking a breath and wiping the tears off his cheeks. "Maybe I don't Thomas! Maybe I want to come back! And- it's not my fault you can't get your life together without me! You could still be.. doing things! Classes! I don't know! You know what Thomas, I've lost everyone in my life except for you and John! And I had to see them- Mom and James and Peter and everyone and then I was ripped from them and torn into a hell of pain. So yeah! I'm having a great time!"
Thomas wanted to do nothing more then wipe the tears from Alexander's eyes. He wanted nothing more then to calm the violent storm in that heart. But as he made a move towards Alex, he stepped back. Thomas's heart broke then and there.
And then he woke up.
He looked around widely. They were in the hospital room. John stared at him.
"You done fucked up, Thomas."
((ughhhhh this hurt to write i'm sorry. John's in denial {last chapter} and Thomas is disassociating and upset and blowing up and ahhhhh- 1120 words))
ALRIGHT LISTEN UP. I KNOW I PROMISED THREE CHAPTERS. THE THIRD ONE IS ALMOST DONE. BUT I'M PUBLISHING THESE NOW BECAUSE I LOVE Y'ALL
YOU ARE READING
Dameged Goods- Jamilams
FanfictionHamilton- Two tattoos. That means two soul mates. Great, two people who now had to deal with the burden of himself. He doesn't deserve love. At least, that's what he tells himself. Jefferson- Two tattoos. He had already found one lover and he knows...
