Unhuman Nature

Little Explorer

When I said I would stay with the Winchesters, I thought it'd just be me, Jack, Sam, Dean, and Castiel. But no.

Turns out, there's a whole shitload of people who live here now. Jack told me he and Sam and Dean's mother, Mary, got stuck in an alternate reality. And then Lucifer was there but when they opened the portal to come back to our world Sam trapped Lucifer there but somehow he got back into our world. Damn, and I thought my life was complicated. Point is, they all came over in a mass exodus through a portal from another world.

Luckily, I didn't have to bunk with anyone. I think they're all scared of me, good. I don't want to form any sort of emotional attachment to anyone because I'm leaving as soon as this is all over.

Castiel showed me to an empty room next door to Jack's. I suppose it's fine, he's really the only one that I care about here.

Castiel was walking away to let me "settle in" when I stopped him, "So what happened? I mean, I thought you were all for team 'kill anything that's an abomination to heaven'. Not that I'm complaining, I'd much rather be alive than dead but, why'd you change sides?"

"I used to think that way. But, being with Sam and Dean all this time, they've shown me that helping people is much more valuable than simply killing anything and everything Heaven deems 'unworthy to live.'" He answered. I nodded in agreement and walked into the room.

Good to know, at least I don't have to worry about being killed by angels now.

My room was really a sight to behold. Note the sarcasm there. There was a bed in one corner with a shelf that ran the length of the back wall sitting right above the headboard, a desk sat against the wall to the left of the door, and a mirror mounted on the wall to the right of the door and the walls were painted gray.

I snapped my bracelets on and hid my backpack under my bed. Believe it or not, I'm a very antisocial person and don't trust anyone here to not look through my stuff.

I got up and was walking out the door when my reflection caught my eye. I turned back and looked in the mirror.

"Mom look that's the crown star!" I gestured to the half circle glowing softly in the night sky. "That Corona Borealis sweetheart." My mother specified for me. "They say that crown was forged by the Gods millions and millions of years ago. They made it for a little princess named Indiana who had magical powers!"

I giggled and adjusted the telescope and looked through it again, my bracelets twinkling with each movement of my hands. In the corner of the lense, there was a faint red dot. "Mom look I think that's Mars! When I grow up I'm gonna be the first person on Mars. That would be so cool! Can I be an astronaut when I get big like you?"

"Of course you can! You'll be the queen of the Martians, I'll visit you in your castle every day! You'll find a Martian prince and you'll all live happily ever after."

"Pfft, I don't want to love in a castle with a boy! Just you and me, forever and ever. We'll both be queens!" I laughed.

A faint flicker of sadness flitted across my mom's face but it was quickly replaced with a bright smile. "Of course my little explorer, just you and me, forever and ever."

I shook my head and the memory faded away. That was my mom's nickname for me, her little explorer, she'd called me that ever since I was born. She told me my eyes looked like the planet Mars. Kind of ironic having red eyes and being a child born of Lucifer. My eyes aren't a freaky bright red, more like"red dirt right after rain," kind of reddish brown. I remember girls at that age wanting to be veterinarians or doctors or teachers, some still thought they could be princesses.

Not me, I wanted to be an astronaut. It was my dream to go to the moon or visit far away planets and befriend aliens. One year for Christmas she'd gotten me a little NASA pin and jacket. I'd worn that jacket every day until she died. I don't know what happened to it but I still have the pin. She used to tell me that someday I'd be able to be the join the astronauts in their spaceships and we'd travel to far away galaxies looking for new adventures every day.

I quit reminiscing and focused on my reflection staring back at me. I could tell it'd been a while since the last time I paid attention to my reflection.

The longest parts of my dark hair fell over my eyes. My cheeks were sunken in and I was as skinny as a stick. My skin was pale and the twisted scar running from the top of my eyebrow to just under my left eye was swollen and turning red from the intense ordeal of running from law and Winchester alike. Sam was right, I looked like a freaking zombie.

I didn't feel like socializing at the moment so I decided to go talk to Jack. I had questions anyway.

I walked to the room next to mine, I hesitated but steeled myself and rapped my knuckles on the door. Jack opened the door, he smiled. "I figured you'd have questions sooner or later. Come in."

I walked in and sat at the edge of his bed. Our rooms were pretty similar, almost identical even. I suppose when you live in a place that was built to withstand all things supernatural there's not much thought given to creativity.

Jack walked over and sat opposite me on the bed. "So, what do you want to talk about?" He inquired.

I thought for a second. "First off, I can tell you're not lying so . . . How in the whole wide world are you four months old and not even remotely acting or looking like a goddamn baby?"

"Well, when I was close to being born, my mother would talk to me. She said that the world was a dangerous place and that I had to grow up fast. She said Castiel would protect me."

"So . . . you uh, came out a seventeen-year-old? Could you already talk?"

"Yes, I could hear people talking on the outside. That's how I learned so quickly. Shortly after I was born, the boys and Castiel found me and they took me in. Dean was hesitant at first but he eventually accepted me as well."

"Huh... so, you really are my little baby brother." I laughed.

"Yeah I guess I am," he chuckled. "It's nice to have real family again. I look forward to getting to know you Indiana."

My smile dropped. "Listen Jack, I'm not staying for very long. Once Lucifer is out of the picture for good, I'm leaving. Don't get me wrong, like you said it's great to have found living family after all this time, but living for six years on the run has taught me a few things," I explained, "for people like you and I, getting close to others means imminent death, for us and them.

"We became targets for everything that could see, in some form, a way to use us to their advantage.

Everyone you trust will let you down. Eventually everyone leaves, and you'll be the only one you can rely on.

And as much as it hurts to leave, it will never compare to the pain of staying." I finished, shifting my gaze away from his. Jack's expression hardened.

"Sam, Dean, and Castiel aren't like that. They don't abandon family, that is what's most important to them. Just give us a chance, give me a chance. We could be your new family."

"The last family I had, died in my arms. I'm not doing that again," I spoke coldly and stood up. "Besides, I don't even remember what it's like to love someone. If I stay, I'll likely mess everything up and you'd throw me out anyway."

"I don't even deserve to be loved anymore." I added quietly.

"Well then, at least I have some time to change your mind." Said Jack, reaching for my hand. I jerked my arm back and quickly walked out of the room.

I heard the door click shut softly behind me. I walked back to my room sat on the bed.

I buried my face in my knees.

What was I thinking? How am I going to live here for however long, whilst trying my hardest to not form any emotional bonds with anyone? Especially Jack, Is already had enough painful goodbyes to last a lifetime.

What am I going to do?