When your soul is broken what you need is not a glue to make it right, what you need is love.
Note: I do not own the characters in this fanfiction or the pictures and photos used for the cover or inside of the story.
Shen did not move. He sensed how much of a struggle it was for the other man to say what he wanted, so Shen decided to give him as much time as he needed. Sitting there silently, he slightly nodded to show Yunlan he is ready to listen.
„I guess it was not that self-explanatory...," Yunlan thought to himself when he saw no reaction from Shen. He sat so that his full upper body was facing Shen and he could look him straight into the face.
„I remember what you said before... about your past relationship. I am sorry I reacted to it in such a bad way. I did not mean to hurt you by any means... And you can laugh at me for saying this, but... I have to get if off my chest... because it has been hunting me ever since I left here several weeks ago." Yunlan took a deep breath-in. „I think you... ignited something in me I did not feel for a very very long time... It is still hard for me to embrace these feelings, but if you... if you..." Yunlan closed his eyes, cheering for himself to finish the sentence before running away in embarrassment. „If you, by any chance, feel the same and give me some time I would like to see you... more often." There was something missing and so Yunlan added: „As someone more than just a patient or a friend."
At first Shen did not know how to interpret what Yunlan just told him. But as the monologue continued he understood it. That shivering voice and nervous fiddling of fingers, the inability to keep a firm eye contact... even Shen knew it well. Yunlan was just confessing to him! Shen could not wish for a better outcome, yet it caught him off-guard and he did not know how to react.
„I understand it is unimaginable seeing someone who drinks, fights and spits out rude words," Yunlan admitted and stood up when the silence was unbearable.
Shen did the same and in fear the other man wanted to leave he took hold of Yunlan's hand. „I know it is not the real you." Yunlan could feel tears forming at the corners of his eyes. „We did not meet under the best conditions, but I know you are a good man."
Yunlan nodded softly. „I am someone who always pays back his debts, but I want you to know that what I have just said is sincere. I am not doing this because I feel I have to pay you back for your kindness. And I understand that I cannot force you into something. I just... I really wanted to come and say this all to you before... before it is too late and I loose my courage again."
Yunlan tried to wriggle his hand out of Shen's, but the other man took his hand into both of his own and did not let him go.
„Thank you for what you have just said. Now, let me share my thoughts as well," Shen waited for Yunlan to look at him. „I did wanted to see you again as well. Not because of the injuries, not because of some compensation, but because I kept thinking of you. I was just worried you might feel I am forcing something on you that you do not want. I was very afraid you will run away, thinking the worst of me."
„I would never..." Then Yunlan remembered his over-reaction when Shen told him he has dated a guy before and understood Shen's concerns. „He was worried I will shower him with some nasty words again."
„And before anything I want to make sure this is what we both want," Shen continued. „That it is not an illusion based on some fleeting feelings... Because I do not wish to hurt you like that... to hurt both of us."
„Illusion?"
„There are cases when patients fall in love with their doctors, because they saved them, because they have been nice to them... but it is only a momentarily feeling which will fade away soon. On top of it all... I am a man. If you are confused I do not want you to regret-"
Yunlan took Shen's hand firmly into his own as well. „What I am feeling is not an illusion. I know this pain in my heart well. I... I am not confused about anything... I have been thru this before, tried to hide my true self, but I am no longer running away from anything. I do not want to loose anything dear to me ever again."
Shen's lips curled up in a sweet smile. He was afraid Yunlan will suddenly realize his eyes were clouded by a mere feeling of thankfulness which led him to confessing something imaginary. He was worried the poor guy will realize he can never fall in love with a guy and will run away regretting his actions. Shen was frightened to loose him like that. But it showed Yunlan was just as worried and on fences as Shen was the whole time.
„We were both struggling on our own," Shen thought to himself and then said in a calming tone: „Let's just... take it slowly."
Yunlan nodded and then did something he did not do in years. He leaped over and hugged Shen's waist. He was overly happy. At first he thought this man will just refuse his feelings, because he was dating someone else, because it was only that looser drunkard whom he saved out of pity, because he simply did not like Yunlan to start with. But it showed that Shen's feelings were the same, confused and careful, yet same. And it made Yunlan's heart skip a beat and he could not hold the tears back anymore.
Shen placed his hands on Yunlan's shoulders and pulled him away softly. „There is still one very important thing I need to ask you."
Yunlan quickly wiped his tears and looked at the handsome face with a worrisome eyes.
„Can I know your name?" Shen asked.
„Oh... That is right we never... we never introduced ourselves." It was a peculiar feeling to be so close to someone without even knowing something as simple as his name. „My name is Yunlan, Zhao Yunlan," he beamed.
„Nice to meet you," Shen smiled back. „I am Shen Wei."
+++End of chapter 12+++
Note: The original story ends here. I am thinking of writing up a few epilogues. What do you think? Any ideas, wishes, etc.? I do have something in mind, but would like to hear your inputs as well :)
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