If I die

Therapy in body and soul

I open my eyes slowly and see Billy Joel asleep his hand still wrapped around mine. I smile and reach my free hand over and stroke his hair. His eyes flash open and he smiles. "God your beautiful," he says leaning over kissing my cheek. "Wh..e..re...Is...h..ma...el?" "He's working another shift," he says.  "H...e...no..t...wa..nt...se..e...m..e...?" I ask.  he wipes my mouth and smiles.  "No, he does. he just hasn't picked up the strength to come." he says kissing my forehead. "I..f...I...wa...sn..t...hu..rt...yo..u...wi..l..l..da..te...?" I ask. he shakes his head. "I would date you if you were hurt or in perfect health, because...I love you..." he says kissing my hand holding me close to him. I smile a crooked smile and start to cry. he touches my cheek and smiles back. " I won't let you get hurt ever again, I promise you that." he tells me.

Is this my someday?

I hear someone coming down the hall and Billy Joel moves away and turns towards the door tightening his grip on my hand. I look up and see Uncle Ishmael standing in the doorway.  "Hi, baby." he says a weak smile on his face.  " H...i..." I say.  he smiles and runs over and takes my hand from Billy Joel. "I didn't know what to do...I was so worried about you," he says kissing my hand. "A...o..k..." I tell him.  he smiles. "If only I was paying atention I could have stopped her..." he says running his fi gers through his hair angrily.  "I...o..k..." he starts to cry even harder. "I love you." he tells me.  "I'll be back soon." he says kissing my hand then leaving the room. Billy Joel walks over and takes my hand. "I love you too." he tells me wraping his arms around me. " Ki..s..s...m..e...?" I ask looking up into the caring eyes of this man I've fallen in love with. He smikes and leans down our lips touch and I feel my pinkie start to move. I reach my arm around his neck and pull him close he smiles through the kiss then pushes closer. then we hear a knock at the door. "I'm sorry to intrude,  but miss Emily has therapy today." a nurse says. "No it's fine I was just leaving." Billy Joel tells her. "I'll be here when you come back. " he tells me.  "W...or...k?" I ask. "I took sick leave and vacation to be here with you." he tells me.  " I...l..u..v...y..ou..." I tell him the nurse helping me into the wheelchair.  he smiles and touches my cheek. "I love you too, Emily," he says then kisses me. I'm wheeled out of the room my head laying back in a sort of head brace. "Your so lucky...your boyfriend is here and is by your side even when your hurt..." she says. " I've seen so much heart break. once they arent healthy, once they can't be that same person anymore...the one they love the most, ends up hurting them the most." I think about her words and smike a crooked smile happy that even like this in a hospital unable to move my fingers legs or toes unable to tell him everything and ask him qestion Billy Joel still thinks I'm pretty.

After the grooling therapy I was taken back to my room where I find the guys from the station all of them. "Hey kid!" they all seem so happy to see me. "Lover boy let it slip, he treating you good?" grandpa Buck asks.  I nod.  Billy Joel walks over and takes my hand in his and squeezes it tight. "I'm glad ya'll approve. " he says smiling. "We aren't the ones you should worry about,  her uncle and daddy are." Johnson laughs.  Billy Joel turns a few shades of green then yellow. I squeeze his hand and he looks down surprized. he kneels down in front of me. "squeeze it again..." he says. I tighten my fingers around his hand and he smiles tears streaking down his face. " You squeezed my hand..." he says kissing my hand. I see the faces around ne and smile a crooked smile. "I...be...o...k..." 

After a while of celibration everyone leaves and I'm alone with Billy Joel. He lays his head on the bed next to my hand and falls fast a sleep. I run my fingers through his hair. he could use a hair cut...and a shave...he's been here with me for so long he hasn't taken care of himself. I reach over and take a piece of paper between my hands and a pen. I take a long time trying to make what I write legable. when I finally succeed I place the note into his hand and fall asleep forgetting the pen still in my hand.

I wake up to the sound of the water running in the sink. I open my eyes and there's Billy Joel shaving!

"W..h...at...yo..u...do...?" I ask.  he turns around and smiles. " yoi told me to shave," he says laughing. I reach out my hand and he walks over drying his face. I touch his cheek and he smiles. "f...or...me...?" I ask.  he wipes my mouth. "Yes for you," he says kissing my forehead.

he left and got a haircut later in the day. when I went to therapy.

I've fallen so deeply in love my heart aches when he's not around. When I arrive at my room after therapy my brother stood at the window. "bro..th..er," I say taking his hand tightly into my own. he starts crying. "I...lu..v...yo..u..." I tell him.  he looks down and sees me.  he kneels down and wraps his arms around my waist. "I didn't want to lose you too." he says holding me tighter.  I see Billy Joel walking in but wave him away wanting to spend more tume with my brother.

He fell asleep on my lap and I run my fingers through his hair he moans in his sleep our mom's name. I lrt out a strangled cry knowing how he feels. I leans down and kiss his temple. I look out the window and see the wildflowers sitting on the window seal.

"Momma," I say I realize I said it without a problem.  I start to cry and smile down on my brother and he sleeps peacfully on my lap.

I guess i wasnt the only one getting thearapy