If I die

New hope

When I wake up in the four post kingsized bed the fan spinning slowly above me I smile. Its been a few months since we recived all the furniture but I still have a hard time believing it. I walk past the nusery and smile. I have a doctors apointment today and I dont want to be late. I get dressed quickly then walk into the kitchen grab some toast and head out the door. As I walk down the street towards the medical center I hear the horn of the fire truck and turn around. I smile and wave as Billy Joel blows me kisses from a top the truck.  I watch as they speed down the street my brother surprizingly in the front seat. I say a little prayer remembering the first time he drove that truck.

When I reach the medical center I mert with the young doctor coming back to towb to take over her fathers practice. I sit in the waiting room after having been here a few weeks ago for some tests I feel oddly sad a far cry from my normal cheery disposition. 

Once called back, the doctor smiles sadly as I walk throught the door. I sit on the table the paper crumpling beneath me. "Mrs. Young," "Emily," I interrupt.  "Emily, the test results...they weren't good." she says pulling out a peice of paper from my folder. "You can't have children..." she tells me. I take it in for a minute then burst. "How do you know? You were just going to check if I was sick...why'd you tell me that...?" I ask sadly. "I'm sorry if you would like I can refer you to an adoption agency." she tells me. I tune her out and slide off the table and walk out the door down the hall through the lobby and out the sliding doors. I stand out front and a tear slides down my cheek. I forget myself and run to the station.

I find Billy Joel his face black with soot all over his face. I run over and wrap my arms around him bursting with tears. "Emily, what happened, what did the doctor say?" he asks. I look up into his eyes and fall to the floor. "I can't...give...birth..." I tell him through sobs. "Oh God, Emily," I hear. Billy Joel falls at my side and wraps his arms tightly around me.

That night I cried myself to sleep and the many nights that followed till i was so depressed Billy Joel took me to the medical center. 

"I asked if she wanted a referral to an adoption agency but she said no, she could have been very happy with just a child, all she wants is to be a mother." tge doctor spouted to Billy Joel. I stood up and before Billy Joel or the doctor could react I slapped her hard across the face. "YOU HEARTLESS ANIMAL!" I scream hoping she felt atleast a fraction of what I am right now.

Billy Joel took me home and left me alone as he left somewhere to think. I laid there in the four post kingsized bed and I cried out his name pleading for him to hold me close. I was lonely and a void was created in our once perfect marrige U don't know what to do...

I left the house at 12:00 Billy Joel still isn't home yet. I walked down the road towards the station but ended up at the lake. I look around and there aren't any lights aside from the lightning.  I hold my breath and let out a scream blood curtaling to even myself. I fell to my knees and wrapped myself in my arms as the rain poured down on me. I let out gut renching blood curtaling screams for what seemed like forever until Henry the local sheriff drove up and wrapped me in a blanket held me in his arms then took me home. Billy Joel still wasn't home and tonight wasn't his shift.

Henry followed me in and put me to bed before leaving I was in so much pain i couldnt take it. I left the house again and ran to the dtation this time reaching the gate. I walk into the main bay and sitting around what seemed like a broken man was the guys from the station.  I focus and see the broken man is Billy Joel and I back away. They're praying over him. "God will not forsake us, and he will never leave us, God is not moved by suffering he is moved by faith, and God alone can save us we pray that our God will help both Emily and Billy Joel through this difficult time in their lives." I lean against the wall. "God is good always, and he will guide you through the valley of the shadows of death and you shall fear no evil. " then all in unison. "Amen," they look up and all eyes fall on me. "Emily, " I hear.  I slide down the wall not a tear in sight, as if God had just shaken me to the core telling me to get up and be brave be a woman of God be a prayer warrior. I look up and see Billy Joel walking towards me. I reach out my hands with a smike on my face and wrap my arms around him.

"Maybe I should stand in the rain more often," I tell him and without a second thought we start laughing. "Why was I upset in the first place? If there aren't any kids at home we can spend more time together," I tell him wrapping my arms around him tightly. "This must have been a test..." I hear Billy Joel say touching my cheek. "We must have either fallen from Gods graces or we were so close to God the devil turned something joyous tragic." I smile. "Everything will turn out well." he says wraping me in his arms as we watch the rain fall.

"Maybe I'll call that agency...see about adopting..." I tell Billy Joel. "Maybe, it wouldn't be to bad if I could answer to dad one day," he says. "Someday," I tell him.

Someday...

Thanks for reading.

Yours truly Vampiris!