If I die

Adoption?

Billy Joel and I have been talking alot the past two weeks whether or not we should adopt. Balancing the pros and cons of an adoption. reading happy stories and even some horrifying but we're still undecided in more ways than one.

I sat in the nursery today and looked at the empty crib I smiled. "Someday," I say standing and touching the mobile. "Someday," I say again walking out of the room closing the door behind me. I walk to the kitchen and start dinner and just as i set it on the table I hear Billy Joel walk in. I turn the corner and wrap him in my arms. "I missed you, Lover." I tell him. he smiles and touches my cheek his face drawing ever near.  We were just inches away when the doorbell rang. I grumbled and walked over to the door and opened it. there standing on our porch was a little girl and boy, the little boy seeming older. theyre clothes torn and tattered. "Help us," the boy says pulling the little girl closer. I usher them in and give them our dinner they scarf it down as if they had never seen food in their lives.

I give them small glasses of milk and they gulp that down too. when they finish they start nodding off. "Billy Joel,  can you pull out the couch?" I ask. he nods. I carry the little girl shes around 3 she has down syndrome and shes beautiful. I lie her down on the sheets and Billy Joel lays the little boy next to her. I smile and kiss their heads almost instinctively.

I drag the blanket over the two of them and take Billy Joel to our room. "What if this is a sign? What if God is sending us children?" I ask. "I don't know..." "We can look into it though right?" he nods kisses my forehead and we go to sleep.

The next morning the two little children are fast asleep. I start making breakfast and before the eggs were in the pan and the bacon in the over those two little kids were sitting at the table their hair messed up and their clothes filthy. "Wash your hands." I say before setting the plates on the table Billy Joel walks in and sits in his chair and the kids run to their seats and reach for the food when I stop them. "We must pray," I tell them with a smile. "Why?" "We need to thank God for providing us with food to eat." Billy Joel tells them. we join hands and pray. "Dear lord thabk you for this meal you have provided, thank you for the abundance of rain and the abundance of happiness you have brought. Amen." The kids break their hands away and start eating like there was no tomorrow. "Slow down don't choke yourselves. " I say.  "So what are your names?" Billy Joel asks. "I'm Dumb and shes Retard." "Those are mean names who gave them to you?" "Our stepmom. mom died then dad died then we were stuck with her and she hurt my sister so we ran away." Istand and walk over closer and wrap them in my arms. "Now how about nice names so you don't have to be called that anymore," I tell them and they both smile. "You look like an Abby," Tell the little girl she smiles I stroke her head and smile. "What about me?" the little boy asks. "What do you think Billy Joel?" "What about Tommy Rex?" he asks. "What?" "Tommy for the T and Rex cause we can call you T-Rex," the little boys eyes sparkle as he thinks about it. "Thats awesome!!" he says. we all have a great time eating them T-Rex goes with Billy Joel to the firestation a bit reluctant to leave but I told him i was taking Abby shoping he agreed he wasn't fit for shopping.

I carried Abby in my arms to the bathroom set her on the counter and slowly brushed out her hair. she smiled the whole time. I washed her hair and dried it then I brushed it again and she was giggling so much I couldn't help but smile. I tied her hair up in high bouncy pigtails.

I took her down to a childrens store in town and thw woman behind the counter gave me a nasty look. I found beautiful dresses but the wiman wouldnt let me buy them calling Abby a retard. I became very angry and stormed out I held a crying Abby in my arms and went to the station.

When I arrived Tommy was riding my old scooter and having fun with the guys. I found Billy Joel and he wraped his arms around me. "People can be so cruel. " i say. "What happened he asks holding me by the soulders. "A woman called Abby a retard and said I couldn't buy any dresses from her shop." Billy Joel becomes angry and askes me where the shop is I tell him then he storms off. I introduce Abby to the guus and they adore her. Grandpa Buck takes her in his arms and holds her tight. "You are such a pretty Princess," he says kissing her cheek. she giggles and smiles till her cheeks hurt.

She fell asleep on grandpa Buck's chest after he sat down for a breather. They are so cute both sitting in that chair both of them fast asleep. Tommy playing baseball with the guys in the yard he seems so happy. I want Abby and Tommy to stay with us as long as they can. forever if possible.

Billy Joel comes back with sherrif Henry. Henry brought back aletter from the store owner saying they had fired the woman and Abby could come in anytime and that they would hive her a free outfit. I look up into Billy Joel's eyes and smile. "Your already acting like a great dad," I tell him.  he smiles and pulls me close to him. "All in a days work for superman," he laughs. At the sound of Billy Joel's voice Abby woke up and ran over she wrapped her aems aeound Billy Joel's leg and smiled up at him. he reached down picked her up and kissed her on the cheek. "Hey there Princess!" he says kissing her hand as though he were her prince. I look on with the eyes of a mother then I stop because I know it may not last.

I walk over to the tired Tommy and wrap my arms around him he hugs me tight and closes his eyes. "Your nice...I wish you would have been our parents." he says clinging to me.  I hold my breath because i wish he were my son. And Abby my daughter.

after saying our good byes we took tommy and Abby to get new clothes before the stores closed. Billy Joel took Tommy shopping and I had Abby try on so mamy dresses. she twireled and danced around the store. Once she had five dresses picked out I bought them and she wore her prettiest dress for Sunday's home. when we reached the house Billy Joel and Tommy were playing baseball again. I carried Abby to the door and sat her on my lap as I sat on the stoop.

After a while I took Abby inside and put an apron around her neck and had her help me make dinner. chicken strips with macaroni and cheese. Once we finished the boys ran in and sat at the table. "Wash...you...hands..." Abby says. the first word I've heard her speak. "Thats right wash your hands!" I say tickling her as she stands on the stool. I lift her off the stool and plop her down in the chair at the table and set a plate in front of her. she smiles and crosses her legs her hands resting in her lap hrr pigtails bobbing up and down as she tilts her head back and forth. The guys walk in and sit at the table I reach out my hands and we all pray together.

Once dinner was over and Abby and Tommy were put in bed there was a knock at the door. I opened the door and found CYFD standing at my door. "Can I help you?" "We're here to take the children," I turn around finding Billy Joel's chest and start to cry. "Why, these children came to us dirty and malnurished.  "Why should we give them to you?" "Because their stepmother wants the back," "Did you hear the names she gave them? the horrible name?" I ask. She smiles. "Lady I can't get emotionally involved in every case it would break my heart." "Thats your job! To get involved!" "I'll have to take the children by force if you dont hand them over." she presses. "For Gods sake let them sleep!" "Then tomorrow I'll be back." "What about Abby? the change will stress her out I dont want that," I tell her. "Tomorrow," she says angrily walking away. Billy Joel wraps his arms around me and hokds me close as I cry. "I...want...stay..." I hear Abby say Tommy starting to cry. We run over and take them both into our arms. "It's okay,  it will all be okay," I tell them. "lets pray," Billy Joel says. we bow our heads and close out eyes. "Dear God you know the plan you know where Abby and Tommy are suposed to be we pray right now that you guard them and guide them through the many years of their lives." "And God don't let the mean lady take us away, Amen" Tommy finishes. We lie down next to them till they fall asleep. I start to cry till I can't stop.

"My babies..." I cry holding Abby close.

They'll be taken away from me...

Why..?

Thanks for reading.

Yours truly Vampiris!