a simple love story || johannie

Chapter 8 - why i said okay

JOHNNY

I stood in front of her door, not knowing if I should ring the bell or just turn around to walk back home. Standing here, i don't even know why I came here in first place. I just should've stayed in my bed, not talking to anyone.
It's kind of to late for that now.

The door swung open without me knocking. And there she stood, in her grey sweatpants and a white tanktop, looking as beautiful as ever. Her hair fell curly and wild down her shoulders. She looked perfect in fucking sweatpants, how is that even possible ?
I was in a shook, i couldn't even talk or think, my mind was empty. Everything was empty.

"Uhm-hi?"
I still just looked at her, while she seemed a bit confused and - sad ?

"Hi...can I - can I come in ?"
She stepped aside and let me in.
I made my way upstairs as she came shortly after me.

She sat down on her bed as i leaned against her wall, looking in her direction.
She let out a small sight and slowly looked up to me. I must've been staring.
She coughed.

"So, w-what are you doing here ?"
She shivered, I couldn't tell if she was nervous or cold. Probably both.

"I guess I wanted to talk to you about-"
I let out a small sight and closed my eyes for a second.
She looked at me, waiting for the rest I wanted to say.
"Us. I wanted to talk about us"

"Why should we talk about us ? There's not even an us, right ?"

She hit the point.

"I know. I-I wanted to apologize for doing what I did."

She was surprised. Never ever she would've expected this.
Actually me neither.
I just rushed out of my mouth without thinking. And it was probably necessary.

ANNIE

Silence. I couldn't say anything, I hold my breath waiting for him to say it's a joke or something. After all of this, he came here to apologize, and this time it will be more than just a "sorry" ?

I feel my face turning red from not breathing.
I closed my eyes while slowly breathing trough my nose.

"Can we maybe go somewhere other like..."

"The park ? And maybe we stop at our - I mean the café first, I didn't have a coffee today"

I slightly smiled. Just a little bit.
And that's the first time I smile while being with him. Or at least since a long time.

—

He ordered. I was surprised he still knew my go-to.

"You didn't have to"
"I wanted. Here, for you."
He handed me my cup.

"Nice necklace. A moon."
"Thanks, I needed a new one because-"
I stopped, looking at him from the corner of my eye.
"Jayden bought it"
He nodded smiling.

We walked down the road, heading to the park.
I sat down on a small bench playing with the cup in my hand. He leaned against the tree near me.

"Are you sure we should talk about all this, I mean we-"
He cut me off immediately.
"No. It's important to me"

Maybe Jayden was right and he wasn't over me. Or maybe she was wrong.
My thoughts circled around it, like earth around the sun. Slowly but unstoppable.
I took a deep breath and turned towards him.

"So then apologize. Or tell me something. Just do it. Please"
"What do you want me to tell you ?"
"Had it been boring with me, did I give you everything you wanted and that's it, or was it my fault ?"
"That's what you think ? Oh Annie, I never ever even thought of replacing you. Because I never thought that would be necessary. I-I don't know what the hell was wrong with me that night, i was drunk and i- i actually don't understand why i kissed her. And I would've done the same in your situation, breaking up. I understand you, believe me."

I stood up. I wasn't calm anymore, I was getting furious again.
"Why did you say you love me ? Why did you tell me you would never leave me ?
Where were you when I was at my worst ? I was there for you, always.
You kissed her, after telling me I don't have to worry about her. Yeah I was jealous. Because we started off as "just friends" too. I was worried. And I was right by that. You didn't even talk to me the first days ,you didn't even try to apologize. You said nothing, and then you ask me if I forgive you. Sorry, that's not how it works"

He looked down and back up straight into my eyes. He knew he had me by doing this.
No, not today.
I looked away, i looked at the little children and the dogs playing together.
Only away.

I felt him walking up to me.
He just pulled me in a hug.
That's all he did, and everything was fine.
I had missed this, his hugs and his scent.

After an eternity i pulled away.
He softly tucked piece of hair behind my ear.

"I don't know how to make this up to you. It's actually not even possible, you deserve so much more than a *sorry*, I know that. I will try"
Oh, he will try. Didn't he say that before ? And trying doesn't mean it'll work

"I know you loved me. And believe me when I say I loved you more than I ever loved someone ever. I never knew what love meant until I saw you. You trusted me, and I took advantage of it. I took it for granted. I was drunk, I didn't know what I was - Yeah, I knew what I was doing. But I don't know why I didn't stop it.
We can't change what happened, no matter how much we want to.
I'm sorry. And you know that"

I knew it. He would never say something like that, if he didn't mean it. I know him.
I just can't let this happen again. I fell way to deep when I met him, I fell down that skyscraper I was supposed to stay on.
But I noticed it as i already was on the way down. I fell in love with him the way you fall asleep. Slowly and then all at once.

I couldn't. Not this time.

"You don't have to like me. Or trust me. Just forgive me, that's all."

I don't know why I said okay.
Everything I thought and everything I did contradicted.
At least I'm not sure.
Maybe because i wanted him to be happy.
Or i just wanted to end this now.

But i said "okay"
Nothing more. Nothing less.

He smiled widely, and tied me in a warm hug.
"I missed you, you know "

I didn't.

—

KATHI'S NOTES

Not very long, but important for the story !!

I update nearly everyday, I'm proud of myself :)

Over 330 reads, wow !!
You honestly don't know how much y'all mean to me, you make me so happy by reading this, I love you 💓💓

PLEASE VOTE AND COMMENT IF YOU LIKE IT AND FOLLOW MEE!! <33

Side note:
I hate school, and I just want to write, read, sleep and eat so please leave me aloneee thanks :((

See you soon babes !!
Kisses, Kathi