**Featured on DARK FANTASY and ADULT FICTION reading lists**
WARNING: EATING OR DRINKING WHILE READING THIS STORY IS HIGHLY INADVISABLE.
Once Upon A Time, Good Omens, Monty Python, and Arrested Development had a back-alley three-way and birthed a f...
I'm going to share my pitches for this book here since I'm participating in The Pitch contest By SmittyBS. Would love your feedback if you feel interested. I highly recommend you check out the contest, the pitches by the other contestants are fantastic!
Five sentence pitch: This is a photo because I lost my original pitch when my scrivener file went blank. 😭
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Four Sentence pitch: Gerald wasn't supposed to be stuck living seven centuries in the future. He definitely wasn't supposed to be "mentoring" The Dark Lord's progeny in the hopes that she would decide to save the world rather than destroy it. In fact, he wasn't even supposed to be named Gerald (the name of every other male in his family for three hundred years), because everyone assumed a weak-chinned, balding, forgettable man, who was just a magician, could never be who Geraldo The Foreshadower prophesied. But that's what assuming gets you, and here he was saddled with a fate he never asked for, in a time he didn't know, surrounded by people he didn't want to like, and he was out of Firewine AGAIN!
Three Sentence Pitch: Once Upon A Time, a King and Queen assumed someone else would take responsibility for their child's sexual education, a magician's parents assumed he wasn't the one prophesied by their ancestor, and a pair of adoptive parents assumed their daughter wasn't evil and wouldn't kill them.
They were all wrong.
Now, Onyx Rose is having to deal with the aftermath of those parental assumptions, as well as some new ones, and she is NOT amused.
Two Sentence Pitch: Onyx Rose is a (possibly evil) princess moved through time to avert the apocalypse, but when Fate catches up in her Ferrari, Rose must take charge of her destiny. Can a malcontent magician, naive prince, and Welsh werewolves convince her their mediocre kingdom is worth saving?
AND
Once Upon A Time, Monty Python, Good Omens, and Arrested Development had a back-alley three-way and birthed a fairytale. If you've ever wondered what the road to hell is paved with (aside from 'isms & genocide), it's this - a story of assumptions, anti-heroes, and apocalypses - and at least you'll be laughing all the way down.
Twitter Pitches (240 characters or less)
1. Onyx Rose is a (possibly evil) princess moved through time to avert the apocalypse. When Fate catches up in her Ferrari, Rose must take charge of her destiny. Can a malcontent magician, naive prince, and welsh werewolves convince her their mediocre kingdom is worth saving? (This is essentially my two-sentence Pitch)
2. Rose is whisked through time to avoid the apocalypse, but Fate drives a red Ferrari and she's impossible to escape; Gerald wasn't supposed to be a hero; And the end of the world might be avoided if parents everywhere stopped making assumptions.
3. In order to avert total annihilation, the daughter of The Dark Lord must reconcile her two halves, and learn the difference between Fate and Destiny. A darkly satirical tale of assumptions, anti-heroes, and apocalypses.
Hey everyone!
I hope you've enjoyed these pitches. I would love to know which you like best, or comments on what you think is working or not. Just put a +1 next to your favorite if you don't mind.
I will probably use several in Twitter Pitch wars, not to mention query letters so I would love to know which grabs you.
