When Love Bites

1 Off Balance

We were in bed. He was going out of town for a few days and we were doing what we always do. He was kissing my neck and his hand was between my legs, but it just didn't feel right. I don't usually have to guide him, but it just wasn't working. He had to feel it too. I tapped his shoulder. "Avi?" I wasn't moaning it or whispering it.

"Hmm?" Her tone struck me as off. We'd been out of sync the whole day, possibly a couple. I didn't know what to do about it. "You okay?"

"No. Can we pause for a minute?" I scooted out from underneath him. "Does this feel right to you? Has anything felt right today?" We were so off and I had no idea how to fix it.

"Um. No." I didn't move far from her. I still needed a connection to her, but It didn't need to be sex. "Where'd our groove go?"

"I don't know. It's not us and I don't like it." I sat up and pulled my knees up to my chest. I was almost uncomfortable sitting naked with him.

Her movement stung. "Have I upset you?" I fought the urge to move myself. She actually covered up. "Babe?" I reached for her elbow.

"No. Yes. I don't know." I put my hands in my hair. "You've hardly been here, and when you are here, you're not 100% here. And now you are going away for a few days. And I just feel..." I couldn't find the words.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, ugh I don't know. I mean I am here now and focused on you and only you."

"It sounds so stupid. I just feel like since I moved in here, I haven't been a priority to you." I reached for his hand. "It's probably just my issue. I know you have been busy at work. I'm sorry I'm like this."

I really didn't know how to handle that. She was my world and I wanted to argue that, but that would not make things any better. "How about this," I took her hand and kissed it gently. "Let's do something else. I grabbed her jammies off the floor and handed them to her. "Want to play a game?"

I had started to cry. I wiped my eyes and nodded. I pulled on my pjs and went to the bathroom.

I fought the panic and anxiety I felt. I told myself it was just a bump in our road, just a pebble and we could navigate it together. I got up and got dressed in sweats and a tee shirt and waited for her to come out of the bathroom.

I should never have said anything. I had upset him, over what, something that was out of his control. Were my feelings valid? I took care of business and splashed some water on my face. Get ahold of yourself, Lizette. I came out of the bathroom and he was waiting for me.

"How about a video game or a card game? I can make some tea and we can just chill for a while. Sound like a plan." God, my head was spinning. I had to have been doing everything wrong and if I could do it this once then had I done it before? She said it was just her, but was it? I felt the disconnect, but I couldn't track its source. I put up the front and led her out of the room.

I nodded, not trusting my voice. I took his hand and let him lead me out of the bedroom. This feeling was new and I didn't care for it at all. "I'm sorry. Maybe I just should have kept my mouth shut."

"I'm not thinking that would have been wise at all. Sure. It hurts, but imagine if you'd kept quiet and we did and you didn't really want to. That is not how that needs to work. Let's play a game and both try to relax and get back to our silly and find our basis, our friendship. No pressure, no sex, plenty of chances to change your mind." I hugged her close and kissed the top of her head. "I love you."

I hugged him back. "I love you too. Tea would be nice and maybe some cards."

"Deal. You are so gonna kick my ass at this again." I went to the kitchen and put the kettle on. "Deal 'em and tell me what I'm playing."