By The Gods - Vikings

Chapter 14

I sat outside in the cold. Rain began to poor down from the heavens. The world was silent for me though. My tears mixed in with the rain and my clothes darkened as the rainwater drenched them.

I could hear the laughter and chatter from within the hall. Yet, it was all drowned out by the bellowing of the winds and the emptiness I felt.

Acres of hope soon turned into just oceans full of loneliness.
I realised what this meant.
It meant that was going to have to face Hvitserk and Ivar. It meant I would likely have to choose between them. I couldn't do that.
It also meant something that I had always feared.
It meant that I wasn't good enough. Egil left for a reason. That wasn't all just Hilda's amazingness. Part of that had to be down to me. What had I done wrong? More like what hadn't I done wrong.
I was not destined for a simple and happy life, no matter how hard I tried. The Gods would never allow it.

I sat in the rain, ignoring the icy cold the spread through my body. I shook, feeling the raindrops fall down my skin.

"Is it true?" A familiar voice warmed my senses. I looked over to see Ivar crawl next to me. His eyes shone blue in the rain as I looked up at him. "That your husband is with Hilda now."

I gulped at his bluntness, something you could always rely on Ivar for, "Its true." I nodded.

"Is that why you're crying?" He asked plainly, still not pulling any punches.

I plastered a smile onto my face, "Why do you care, Ivar?"

"Because if you get a fever and end up unable to go to England, I'll have to rely on just my brothers to fight with me." He replied.

"What do you mean by going to England?" I asked in return.

"To get revenge for my father, of course." Ivar shrugged. "But I suppose you're not up to it yet." He spoke with a cocky grin, the kind that always made me want to punch him.

"Shut up." I mumbled, gently punching his arm.

"Stop crying. He's not worth it." Ivar spoke finally.

The rain poured down on the two of us, thunder crashing through the sky. I gave him a small smile as the drops of rain rolled down my cheeks. Ivar gently brushed his thumb over my delicate lips, wiping the rain off them. Before I knew how to react, his lips were pushed against my own and I remained stunned by the experience. My eyes closed and I kissed him back, my hand holding onto his shirt like my life depended on it. He pulled away, sooner than I would've liked, and I sat there dazed and silent just looking into his deep blue eyes.

"Now stop being miserable. It's getting boring." He said finally before crawling back inside.
I sighed gently.

Damn.

I grabbed my stick and scrambled off of the crates. My fingers tightened their grasp around it with every step I took, not wishing to collapse into the abyss of mud that lay beneath me. I clung on, jamming it into the ground as sturdy support.
I kept walking, unsure of where I was going in particular. I liked walking without a destination, it was freeing. It was as though you could go anywhere and do anything in the entire world, even if all you did was wander around a little and then go home.
I kept walking, the strain taking its toll on my body. In all honesty, I wasn't sure if I'd even make it to England. I'd wanted nothing more than to go raiding just like Lagertha but this wasn't a raid. This was revenge. And I needed to be my best. I needed to be the strongest I could possibly be.

I may have been a bad wife, but I have never been good with people. I always preferred speaking with my sword. I always felt as though I had something to prove.

"The battle is finally done

One of the two armies has won

The crows take flight at day's last light

And yet, they still try to run"
I sang to the moon a song that Hilda had once sung to me. A song that had haunted me for many years. I had always wanted to be like Lagertha. A fearless warrior, a loving mother, a good woman. She'd always been a role model of mine. Yet, I couldn't help but feel somewhat detached. All these years, I'd owed everything to her. No one even knew how much I'd owed her. However, now, I felt as though I was more than just the girl she saved. I was a shieldmaiden in my own right.
"Do not try to run from me

The light of your soul I can see

The torch of your deeds, your honor and greed

determine the fate you receive."

I sat on the dock of the bay as the waves washed up to shore. My fingers traced through the cold black ocean, my eyes filled with glistening stars.

"Enter my arms

to carry you home

away from your harm

you will be one of Odin's own."

So, you can prolly sense a storm brewing. That's cuz it is. As I've said, Aneira hates all the relationship stuff and wants nothing more than to go into battle and let off some steam. Soon, that's exactly what she'll be doing and y'all can see what a boss ass betch she is.
Anyway, yeah, hope y'all are enjoying the story so far. I've got SO much muse for this book and I'm really excited to share more of it. Thank you all for the support so far. I'll be picking up the pace of this very very soon so bare with me. Love 🖤

-Rhiannon