This is for Us

Of Course It's Been 6 Months

a day doesn't pass when i want to see you.
i won poetry out loud
i heard our friends screaming out my name...
but you weren't there.
not first, but I finally made it into the top five.
it was nice. i lost myself in the poetry.
i spoke of horns hidden in crowds, wandering and dancing
(Horns by Kwame Dawes)
i spoke of an old lady, hoarder, who kept everything from refrigerator doors to pencil tips
(Mrs. Caldera's House of Things By Gregory Djanikian)
i told stories of mysterious creatures who follow people in the
gap of light and sight. dancing and living.
no harm being caused at all.
and i was sent into round two
i was able to convince the audience and some judges i didn't miss a line in my second poem
i was told they could feel themselves in a log cabin, sitting in front of a fireplace.
the hundreds of mismatched items feeling cozy

'you have this in your blood!'
'you were cheated out of the right place.'
'i'm so proud of you.'

but this is not in my blood.
it is in my heart.
your heart.

but they will never know that i looked out into the crowd, searching
short, jet black, curly hair.
wide eyes, a loving smile.
the loudest cheer.

i won?

so much has happened since you were ripped out of my arms.

i turned seventeen
i feel no wiser

i got a car
i can't go where i need to be

i have the opportunity to join the marching band
but i won't walk along with you

i sobbed during new years, for many more reasons than one
seniors leaving, alone on new years, the little deboom girl...

i went to the lavender capital of the nation.
why couldn't i feel at peace?

i miss you. so much.
i love our friends
but i still have a hole in my heart.
it aches for you.
it weeps for you.
a banshee has taken over my heart.

i pray for you
your brother, your father,
your friends, your teachers,
your coaches your teammates,
your mother too.
all of them
every day

i know we will find a way.
i just want it to hurry up.

All This and Heaven Too - Florence and the Machine