This is for Us

Of Course I Fear

I fear the darkness
   not what lies in it
   i fear the lack of light
   the lack of being unknown
   fearing what won't be seen
   and what will be
   i fear the lack of light

I fear spiders
   for no particular reason
   a phobia is unreasonable
   so that fear is not of me
   i am reasonable
   perhaps it's the legs?
   the eyes?
   their hunch?
   no.
   it's unreasonable.

I fear losing you
   this morning. i awoke
   holding hands over my mouth
   trying not to scream.
   it was cold, bitter cold
   you would have hated it
   i saw you... somewhere
   no where for certain but i saw you
   alone.
   i ran to you
   i may never get this chance again
   i went to kiss you
   you looked at me frightened and backed away
   "h...hossana?"
   no words
   "where are you going?"
   you turned
   "hossana!"
   you spoke words your mother spoke
   words of a loss
   words that mean much more than what you said

   "i'm sorry."

   and no other response.
   i'm afraid of losing.
   i had never seen you more confused.

Fear... is the unknown
                 the unreasonable
                 the unthinkable
Fear... is an atrocity.

Falling - Florence and the Machine