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If what they had wasn't a sin, Zarinna would have loved every bit of it. She had allowed herself to be carried away by emotions for almost a year, one long heart wrenching year... And it had to stop, even if it meant putting her love for him to death - herself to death.
Turning around, Zarinna caught sight of the turmoil that gleamed in Nathan's eyes. She pulled her gaze away, her eyes now anchored to the tall grasses that cloaked the hill where they stood.
"Rinna... Rinna please no..." He pleaded.
Zarinna felt another set of tears fall from her eyes, tensing as she felt Nathan's arms around her. She took a deep breath and gently pulled away from his warmth, meeting his gaze as she prepared to speak.
"Nathan, please! Don't make the situation harder than it already is..." She tried to sound as calm as she can, but the pain that echoed from her voice betrayed her. She saw Nathan put the back of his hand to his forehead and slammed his eyes shut.
She was torn. The pain that engulfed her seemed unbearable. It was as if she felt a knife stab her heart each time she looked at the man she could never have.
"Please Zarinna," Nathan pleaded, "I love you..."
She felt her heart flip, but only until reality again claimed her thoughts that she shook the words off of her head and replied.
"No, Nathan! You know as well as I that this thing between us isn't love!" She countered, feeling her heart hammer in her chest as she spoke. She hated seeing him cry, he was the type of man that had always shown a strong resolve. He was firm in what he believed and was everything Zarinna ever desired.
"So you're saying you never loved me?" The question ripped her heart. She did. She loved him so much ... so much more than she should have.
"Please, Nathan..." Her voice sounded limp as she fought back the tears that threatened to fall. "You know I did, but..." The sobs that interrupted her words began to annoy her. She took a deep breath and resumed to speak. "I must love God more." Silence filled their distance. She knew that Nathan wanted to do so too, with all his heart, but she also knew what his weakness was - It was her. Oh, merciful God. It was her. How could she have allowed it to be so? Why didn't she resist the first time she felt things for him?
"Nathan... I valued you so, so much. You know that, you felt that. But this?" she lifted her hands. "This is just ripping me apart! Don't you see how far we've fallen? Once we prided ourselves for being God's messengers, proclaiming His Word, showing the world how great He was, but look at us now!" She gasped for breath as she too began to process the words that were coming out from her mouth. Nathan stayed very still, his sorrowful eyes nailed to the ground. "I'm sorry Nathan, I'm sorry if I hurt you like this, but... the pain of crucifying God over and over again because of this sin is breaking me to pieces." She looked up at him and saw a tear roll down Nathan's cheek.
