Tear in my Heart

Chapter 8 - The Mistake

Steve took a seat on one of the terrace chairs, he has been quiet for almost a minute since you agreed that you two needed to talk.

You followed suit and take a seat opposite him, your heart hammering in your chest. Even though the air is hot and humid, you shivered when the breeze blew against your barely covered body. Mind racing through every possibility of this conversation.

Steve finally looked up at you, the look in his eyes gives you the answer you don't want to hear. It's already there, written in his face. Regret, remorse, and guilt.

You closed your eyes for a moment before you looked away from him out towards the ocean. It's surface glittering beneath the moonlight which danced on it. A lump formed in your throat, tears threatening to fall.

"Cricket...I-" He said softly hesitating, "This is why I didn't want to do this with you, this wasn't supposed to happen."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Your voice breaking slightly when you turned to look at him.

"I- We...it's just not... it won't work." Steve ran his fingers through his hair tugging it slightly. An anxious tick you knew he had.

"What won't work?"

"Us..."

And there it was, the one thing you'd hoped you never had to hear him say. The only thing that had been playing on your mind the moment you knew you had feelings for him. It had been laced into every touch he gave you, every kiss, every lingering gaze, that you two wouldn't work and you had ignored it because you stupidly thought for one fucking moment that maybe, just maybe, Steve Rogers was different.

Or that for you, he could be different. But he wasn't and his words bring the tears spilling onto your cheeks. Tears you shouldn't have even been crying because your mind was screaming 'I told you so' at you, at that moment.

Steve looked up at you and curses, "Fuck" he muttered when he saw your tears, "I'm sorry, it was a moment of weakness and I shouldn't have...taken advantage of it."

You remain silent, his words just cutting deeper and deeper.

"I don't deserve you. You are better, you deserve better."

Again you say nothing but wipe away the tears with the sleeve of his shirt that you still wore.

"I wish I could take it back..." Steve sighed, he needed you to say something but every time he spoke Steve made it worse and you didn't want to say anything because if you did you were going to say something you would regret tomorrow.

"Please say something." He said quietly.

Finally, you looked at him, swallowing the lump in your throat before you spoke, "What is there left to say? You've said it all. It was a mistake and we won't work."

"That's not what I mea-"

"Just tell me one thing, what changed between now and when you were fucking me?"

Steve winced at the crass way you phrased that question, he could see he was hurting you and he hated himself for it. "Cricket..."

You didn't want to hear anymore, you couldn't. You'd stupidly made yourself vulnerable in this situation, and fell for your best friend, like an idiot. You had seen him with all those girls, with Natasha, and somehow you still fell for his bravado, again Steve Rogers was never the type to love anyone but himself.

"Forget it, we're done here, Steve. The wedding is over, we don't have to pretend to love each other anymore." You said getting to your feet and walking off the terrace. You need to get out of here, it's hot and the air is suddenly suffocating you. You feel as if you can't breathe around him anymore.