Falling To Pieces

Dangerous

I must confess,

I'm feeling guilty.

My conscience is heavy,

I'm a wreck.

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh.

This ain't the end of us,

Darling let me show you,

I'm not giving up,

I tried to tell myself that I can toughen up,

Not self-destruct,

But I'll see her again,

Met a girl and she is dangerous,

Hope I knew her, but I just can't get enough

I'm struck

She's gonna tear me up.

A million voices never mean to never give you up.

Shouldn't listen, I'm addicted to this darker love.

And this is dangerous, for me.

Dangerous/ The Vamps

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*Luke's POV*

Thursday 9th September

*Trigger warning* I think the cuts on my stomach are infected. The skin surrounding the wounds is bright red and very painful. I haven't told Calum or Michael about it. They would go mental at me and send me to the hospital.  I'll just see how they are next week. *Trigger over*

Calum and Michael keep asking me what is wrong. I convince them I'm okay because I can't explain how I am feeling. Even when I attempt to explain, I say something that sounds wrong and they take offence.  So now, I'm giving up on trying to explain. They probably feel that they have to ask me what is wrong if I'm quieter or acting different. They don't care. They are probably devastated that I'm on all these pills because they can't lean on me as much. They will probably lean on me more now, to be honest. I know this sounds extremely selfish, but all the times I've helped them and all the times I will, I get treated like that. I feel like a sim getting controlled by someone else. I want to be my own person. I want everyone to stop making decisions for me because that's what they think I want. But I guess we all want things we can never get.

Dear Ashton, I'm starting to doubt (again) that you will never wake up. You are improving,  but improving doesn't mean better. You don't understand how much I need you.  I think when (or if) you wake up, we should go back to the times where we used to tell each other everything. 

If you don't wake up, I have no idea what I will do. Or the band will do. I think- well actually,  I have no idea what will happen.  I don't want to think about it. But I guess I may have to soon. In 25 days, if you aren't already awake, the doctors are going to ask me whether they should keep your life support on or switch it off. Meaning, they are going to ask me if they should kill you. The amount of arguments Calum, Michael and I have been through about this is unbelievable.  They both said they think it should be turned off to stop you from suffering, which yeah, I see the point, but why would they want to kill you? Anyways, on a brighter note, I spoke to the nurses and they are saying it is okay if you wear a bandana even though you have weird things stuck to your forehead measuring brain activity. So yesterday,  I went out and bought you a new bandana. I never got a black or white one because that's the colours in this hospital.  I wanted a colour that stood out. So I got a bright green one. It will match your eyes. I've almost forgotten the exact shade of your eyes, or where your dimples appear when you smile, or the sound of your laugh that can light up any room. When we visited today, It was Calum's turn to take Lauren and Harry somewhere. I think they went to the zoo. Anyways, I remember you showed me how to fold a bandana months ago but I must of forgot some steps,  but it's okay, I searched it up on YouTube and managed to successfully fold it. It is placed in your hair like how it used to be. You could really do with a hair cut, haha. Your hair is much longer than you like it. As I'm writing this, I am by your side and your mum is at the other. She misses you loads. Michael is away to the vending machine to get something.  He probably saw a coke bottle with his name on it.  I best be going before your mum asks me what I am writing or Michael comes back. Get better soon, Ash.