Past Honeymoon: BTOB IHS

Chapter 11

P A S T  H O N E Y M O O N
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It's ironic, isn't it?
How hope keeps us
breathing just to kill
us in the end.
ㅡNicole Lyons
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Chapter 11 | SERA

I wake up feeling sick in my stomach. I disentangle myself from Hyunsik and sit up. He's still deeply asleep. There's a stir in my stomach that makes me want to vomit. The word 'vomit' makes me want to vomit. Oh God. I almost fly to the bathroom.

I throw up in the toilet and grimace as I press the flush. I brush my teeth and rinse my mouth.

"Sera?" Hyunsik calls my name in his sleepy voice when I get back to bed.

"Yes?" I ask quietly.

"Everything OK?"

"Yeah, go back to sleep."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

I caress his hair until he falls asleep again. But I can't fall back to sleep, so I pace back and forth in our room. I'll have to talk about the hotel food that we had tomorrow.

But for now, I take a book from my bag and read by the night light until I can see sunlight creeping through the curtains. I get up again and make coffee.

It's our last day here today. We'll have to talk today before we leave.

I sigh and place the cup of coffee on the table, and I see it. A notebook creeping in Hyunsik's night stand drawer. Curiosity fills me up, so I walk across the room and open it quietly.

A smile curves on my lips. It's the same notebook from college where he writes his songs. The songs I wish the world could hear.

I flip the page to where the ribbon lies. There's even a date. It's from last year. A song I have heard when he used to share them with me. I flip that page. But maybe Hyunsik didn't stop sharing them with me at all. He has nothing to share until yesterday. I read the date again. Yes, it is from yesterday.

A new song.

He hasn't written a song for a year.

Only One For Me. I read in my mind and for some reason, my heart begins pounding loudly. I read the lyrics, skimming every word because that's how Hyunsik makes me feel with his songs. I want to understand their depth. Because when he writes, it means they're words he's been dying to tell someone but he can't. When Hyunsik writes, they always mean something.

When I finish reading, there are tears in my eyes. I'm certain these words are for me. He has written a new song for me. And he hasn't written in a while. The last song he wrote before this was also for me. I remember him being so nervous about it as he played the guitar in front of me.

But I love it. I love every song he writes and every melody he creates.

And then I hear Hyunsik's still sleepy voice beside me. I look at him and he wipes my tears away, singing the words I just read.

I can't live without you
You're the only one I need
No matter how hard I think
After all, I need you

After he sings a verse, he caresses my cheek and asks, "Did you like it?"

I roll my eyes and smile. "I love it."