Past Honeymoon: BTOB IHS

Chapter 12

P A S T  H O N E Y M O O N
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It was you then.
It is you now.
I have no reason
to believe it won't
be you always.
ㅡKristina Mahr
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Chapter 12 | HYUNSIK

Why am I like this?

She asks me if I still love her, and I'm trying to find the words to say. Something's at the tip of my tongue, but I can't bring myself to say something I'm not sure about.

Do I still love her?

Or is she right about the familiarity that I cannot bear to let go?

Dammit. I need to go after her.

I stumble on my own feet as I go back to the hotel. But when I get there, she's gone. I run to the lobby. I run everywhere trying to find her. She's gone. Ohgod. She's gone.

I gather my things and I drive. There's a dread in my chest I cannot get rid of no matter how many deep breaths I take. There's finality in her eyes when she asked me. What if that's her last straw? What if she doesn't come back to me?

The hours of drive almost make me insane. What have I done?

• •

I stop by home first, but of course, she's not there. The house feels so empty just like how it feels like whenever she's not around. And then I drive to her only best friend's house. Seunghee.

She opens the door in surprise to see me. She looks like she's been sleeping.

I try to catch my breath calmly. "Sera. Is she here?"

"What? No. Isn't she with you in Jeju?"

I look away, breathing hard. Seunghee looks at me, brows furrowing. "Oh boy. You fought again, didn't you?"

I nod. "Please try calling her. Just send me a message if you find her, okay? Please."

"I'll try." Seunghee says with a sigh.

"Thanks." I jog down the steps and drive away.

One last shot. I drive out of Seoul.

• •

After a two-hour drive from Seoul to Sera's hometown where her mom lives, I receive a message from Seunghee.

Hey. Sera's at her mom's. She told me to tell you not to come. With a 'please'.

I hit the steering wheel. I park a distance away from her family house and stay there for a while. I sigh, throwing my head back.

I look around the familiar place. I used to come here a lot after college and Sera didn't work yet just to see her.

I turn the car and drive around slowly. It's all leafless trees in winter, but I remember it had been beautiful in spring and summer.

I stop by the playground near the school and memories splash behind my head.

It was spring. Cherry blossom flowers almost filled the sidewalks. The trees and the weeds were so green. Sera brought me to a playground where a bunch of kids were running around so full of life, so innocently.