𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 ✾ (𝐣𝐞𝐧𝐳𝐢𝐞)

ELEVEN !

DIFFERENT !

IN ALMOST EIGHTEEN YEARS Of life, i guess i kind of realized that there will always be times when you feel like you've hit rock bottom. times when you just want to get up, change everything about your life, and start over. apologize to everyone, make some new friends.

i think i hit one of those points in time.

with full knowledge that i'd regret everything the next day, i threw things this way and that. cigarettes were cut apart and thrown away. beer bottles were thrown out the window, into the alley. my teeth were brushed too many times to count, i just know that my gums are bleeding.

my cheeks were stained from tears, and my nose was runny. it got really annoying, because i kept leaning over to grab stuff, and my nose would drip every time.

in the whole month that i lived here, the room hadn't changed one bit. that is, besides the strewn bed sheets and scattered mess of thrifted clothes. even though natalie was incredibly nice to give me stuff to decorate with, i only shoved it in the closet. she wouldn't care, it's not like i let her in my room anyways.

noah wouldn't answer his phone. i needed my best friend to call me, tell me everything's alright. that i don't need to change.

in a way, i was relieved when he didn't pick up, because i know what he would say wasn't true. 'you're perfect the way you are, stay true to yourself'. that wouldn't cut it this time, i have to change.

frustrated with myself, i sat on a swivel chair that paired with a wooden desk. it only caused me to cry more; i guess i needed the distraction of decluttering.

however, i didn't get back up to start tearing things apart again. i just thought. what would my real mother think of the person i am today? how about that so-called biological big sister that i've only heard about once?

probably wouldn't think i'm such a big shot. wouldn't be proud. after all, who would want to be related to an addict? especially a teenage addict.

the loudness of my crying went unnoticed, until a knock on the door nearly gave me a heart attack. just the sound of the hand hitting my door caused my head to ache.

"come in," i croaked, pulling out my phone so i didn't seem like such a loser that i was crying about nothing.

a perfect, hourglass figure topped with head of red hair appeared in the doorway. amazing, just who i wanted to see, right? "mackenzie, are you okay? i heard bottles smashing outside."

"i'm fine," i snarled, despite the fact that i was clearly sobbing.

"no," she whispered, voice calm. the door closed, and she walked into my room. "what's wrong?" she took a seat on my bed.

i stayed quiet, looking desperately for something near me to fidget with. when nothing met the eye, because it was all shoved away in containers and drawers, i played with my hair.

"mackenzie," her eyebrows scrunched together, as if she couldn't think of anything to say. "i know we never exactly.. what's the word?"

"talked. at all," i finished for her, not making eye contact, "ever."

"yeah," she exhaled, "but i know its hard, being you know, adopted and stuff. like, i'm here for you. we're technically sisters, i guess."

"yeah," i shrugged.

"are you gonna tell me what's wrong?" she said, the slightest bit of sassiness in her voice.

i desperately wanted to. i've vented to noah so many times, and i love him, but he's not really any help. he only responds with a, 'i'm here for you', or a, 'i feel you'.

but honestly, who says nadia won't do the same?

"no, i don't really want to," i finally looked her in the eyes.

"oh, um, okay. well, can i tell you something that i wanna get off my chest?" her eyes sparkled, like for some reason, she really wanted to tell me.

i could see the ghost of a smile tint my lips in the reflection of my phone screen. "go ahead."

"you know the orlando's, right? johnny, lauren-"

"yeah, i know them," i cut her off, as she was going to keep going with names.

"okay, so. i love them, right? a lot. my best friend, my boyfriend, and their mom. amazing people. meredith and my- our mom have known each other since middle school. and... i'm just gonna be straightforward. the only reason johnny and i are dating is to save their friendship," she rambled, on and on and on.

my eyebrow raised, "huh?"

"yeah. they're drifting, and we think it's sad."

"so what you're saying is, you and johnny have no feelings for each other?" i asked, she nodded. "then why was he all worried that one night we went out to dinner, and i was flirting with him and stuff? he didn't want you to hear."

"no," she shook her head, "he didn't want our moms to hear."

"and why did you tell me this?" i questioned, coming off as a bit rude.

"because i saw the way you look at him. i can tell you want it to come off as a joke; the whole 'i don't want actual commitment with him' type of thing, you know? but you look at him like he's more beautiful than anything you've ever seen. not to mention you always have your hand touching him, on his shoulder or something," she rambled yet again.

"you're crazy, nadia."

KARLEIGH SPEAKS !
this seems to happen a lot but sis doesn't know where she's going with this one either

also this chapter was so random i hate it let me leave rq