Jane's POV
What's worse dealing with actually not thinking about what happened yesterday, is that it seems like our living arrangement won't change anytime soon.
It will be harder to ignore all of the enigma that Zayn and I are at the moment. It's not like I want to keep thinking about him, but the constant times I get to see him, spend time with him just doesn't happen to make it possible not to.
I've decided to do something more productive with my excessive time, also I was again trying to avoid getting at that house early.
Doing research was never a good trait of mine, that's why I've hired someone to do the digging.
Ever since that episode of me remembering a part of my past, I'm having way too many doubts and weird angst feelings that I tried to suppress.
So now I got a phone number my detective found, it's of my family. I'm shocked that I can't remember anything about them.
I'm tapping my hand on my thigh of what I'll find at the other line when I dial and hear the beeps.
On the third ring, I dropped the call.
I'm a coward, I admit.
Gnawing on my lip, "Come on," I urge myself, in the middle of this I remember the thing Zayn said to me that left an impact the most... that I can't keep running away from things that can hurt me.
At the end of the day, that's what we live for, without the lows there would be no highs, without hate no love, without sadness no happiness, and so on. Also that addicting feeling of not knowing what lies ahead and just taking a risk was worth everything, but I'd be cautious. It's what I've come to learn, my self defense mechanism.
I hadn't really put much thought into the next time I dial, hearing a soft "Family Winster, speaking, Cynthia speaking??"
"Uh, hi... It's me, Jane." I barely said, there's a silence after that. "Uhm, I've had some traumatic experiences, and I can't remember anything that has to do with my past, so I don't know if our relation is any good."
"Well, we don't have any communication," Her tone was soft though, she's waiting for me to say anything but my heart twists at the thought that we aren't on good terms, "What kind of troubles?" She seemed breathless, like she couldn't believe that I was talking to her, "I'm your mom.. you don't remember me?"
Taking a deep breath, "I'm sorry, no. I left Jordan, I don't know if you know-"
"You did?!" She exclaims, sounding relieved, "Jane, dear, I was waiting so long for you to come to your senses, that was the reason we haven't spoken so long, that's why I'm surprised that you're calling, I've lost hope that you would ever leave that as'shole." She rambles, her tone so motherly, there's the urge I have to just leave everything and get back to her, but I didn't know if she'd wanted to. Wiping under tear stained eyes, I put my hand on the speaker so she can't hear me, I needed such a support, I couldn't understand how much until right this moment, "I'm sorry that I didn't try harder, and I'm sad you can't remember your family, but if this made you forget about the way you were living that's good." Her voice had wavered, meaning she was feeling the same I was. "I missed you."
"I did too, well I knew I was missing something along family ties, but I was scared what I'd find."
"Oh, Janey, my poor girl." She begins to tell me everything about how and what our family is like.
***
When I'm 'home', I feel drained.
Passing the living room which was visible from the hall, I barely acknowledge the few people in Matt's house, who were all immersed into working. I knowingly ignore him and Zayn. Seb's there too, I felt like Matt wanted to invite me so I can join by the way I could feel him stare up my way, but with a straight face I only strut forward to the second floor without turning around, nor greeting anyone.
