"idk.yet"

Chapter 19

The three days passed quickly. I spent most of my time avoiding people, trying not to be seen. Who I was avoiding? A lot of people, Orin and Trebor to begin with, Keri, Grey, Nova, Olivia definitely, Amanda-ish. I haven't had a full conversation with anybody, the only person I couldn't avoid was Killen. Because I lived with the boy.

I went riding with Jachin today. Killen hadn't been assigned a new horse yet, and the scouts came back saying they found Peanut's dead body by the river. They burned her yesterday, Killen made it a private funeral. Nobody except him and his horse.

I could feel his sadness and how it lingered on him. He wore the black pendant of mourning, along with the cursed mentality stone. I didn't understand why he put the stupid thing back on, but he did. I didn't fight it, I had enough fighting ahead of me.

Or maybe there won't be any more fighting, maybe I'll just end up being a puppet in the hands of the Clan. Maybe I'll never get to fight again, I'll never have to do anything but smile, wave, speak, smile, wave, speak. Over and over again.

I hope not, I would like to do something. Anything.

I couldn't figure out what would be worse. My life before the Clan or the life I might have because of it.

Stuck being a curse or stuck being a queen.

The answer may be obvious, but I don't think I am fit for the role.

I let myself sink deeper to the bottom of the swimming hole. From the bottom of the pool, I watched as the bubbles rose around me. Like little stars, drifting farther and farther away. But if I tried to swim to the surface I might be able to reach them.

I let myself sink to the bottom, it was only eight feet. Well the area I was in was eight feet, if I went towards the middle it was fifteen. I didn't feel like hurting my ears, so I stayed in the eight feet.

The water was crystal clear like it always was. Not too far off you could hear the waterfall that hid the clan and emptied the water into the pool. It was nice and cool, a contrast to the anger that seemed to be boiling inside of me. It has yet to leave.

I feel my lungs tighten and I take that as my cue to go up for air. I gasp when I feel the oxygen fill my lungs again, the air outside even colder than the water.

That was the reason nobody was here. It was colder this afternoon and I was the only person crazy enough to go swimming. But I needed a place where I could think, where I could be alone, and this was the place to be.

There wasn't a much better place to go if you wanted to think. The feeling of the water on your skin and the sound of the waterfall. The feeling of diving and sinking to the bottom, staying down there until your lungs gave up and you had to come back for air, only to do it again. The repetitive motion calming you down and even if water or swimming wasn't your thing, you could just sit around at the beach.

Taking in the scenery and the quietness of the forest. This really was the perfect place.

But what if I stay here?

Well not stay here, but somewhere like here?

What if I run away?

Hide from it all?

I shake my head. It wouldn't work, it would never work. The Death Clan would find me, they would find me. They were trained to track down people, I was trained to track down people, there was no way I would be able to hide. But you are a Ghost, I remind myself. They wouldn't know who you are, you could hide, be someone else.