I Am Cameron

(not) Up for Debate

I silently follow Oliver all the way to the library upstairs. We were far away enough that we wouldn’t disturb anyone if worse came to worse, which is usually the case with the two of us.

He leads us to a small, cozy section of the library and sits down. Not waiting for an invitation, I sit down on the chair across from him. Oliver just stares at me which I couldn’t care less about if it wasn’t for his expression. I’m used to his glares of anger, but this time he looked nervous and worried. It kind of made me a bit nervous too. What does he want to talk about that has him on edge and why does it involve me?

“Do you like Trinity”, Oliver blurts out. I stare at him, hearing his words, but not understanding them.

Do I like Trinity?

“What do you mean like? As a person? I can’t say I like her just yet, mainly because I don’t really know her. I haven’t really had an opportunity to know her yet, but she seems pretty amazing so far. She gets along well with the twins and--”

“No”, Oliver interrupts. “Do you like her as more than a friend? Like.. Romantically or something”, he asks. I furrow my brow.

If I don’t even know her as a person, how can I like her romantically? Is he worried for her or something? This just seems too out of the blue.

“I don’t”, I reply.

At this, Oliver relaxes into his chair a bit.

“I mean yeah, she’s really beautiful”, I start. “She has a thousand freckles painted across her face that just compliments her laugh, which is rare to hear in itself. When she sings, I’m definitely captivated because I know for certain that a choir of angels tried to recruit her at least once. SHe has her own quirks that makes her different, but that’s why people get to know each other in the first place. I want to get to know her like I want to get to know everyone Else--”

“No”, Oliver interrupts again. I blink twice, snapping out of my verbatim influx to look at Oliver.

Whoa. What made him so upset? He couldn’t even try to hide his emotions if he wanted to. Was it something I said?

“For someone who doesn’t like her, you sure know how to compliment everything about her”, he sneers, annoyed. “I’m not sure I care for your ‘friendly’ description of Trinity.”

“Why does it matter how I describe her--”

“Because you don’t like her. Since I do, I can easily say that your description of Trinity doesn’t fall within the ‘friend’ parameters”, he concludes.

Oh.

So he likes Trinity… Why does this involve me?

“I just wanted to make sure you didn’t have any feelings for my girl. I still can’t tell if you like her and you don’t want to tell me, or if you like her and you literally don’t realize it yet. Either way, I need you to stop coming onto her like you did today”, he states.

“... What”?

“I said--”

“Wait hold on. First things first, I didn’t come on to anyone in the slightest and I didn’t have any intention to. I just wanted her to feel welcome and comfortable enough to join everyone for the celebration or whatever.”

“Who are you to assume that she was uncomfortable”, Oliver asks, his eyes narrowing at my every word. I hate when he does that. He already has it stuck in his head that I’m lying to him.

“You mean other than the fact that I’m literally a psychology major with my Registered Behavior Technician certificate”, I explain. “It would be the fact that we both know she just lost her family. Trying to integrate into a group of people that just seem too happy for your own circumstance is kind of hard. I would know better than anyone in this house so I could tell. Obviously I didn't expect her to join me in the end, but extending an invitation never hurt anyone”.

“Well I still--”

“I wasn't finished talking”, I interrupt, getting angry now. “My second concern is that you call Trinity ‘my girl’. I'm sure you and I both know that statement is excessive even if you like her”, I say.

Oliver sits up and crosses his arms. He grits his teeth before opening his mouth again.

“She is mine”, he says, completely appalling me. “For the two years that she's been here, we've grown closer, close enough for me to fall for her and want her to be with me”.

I stare at him and shake my head.

“She's not yours, Oliver”, I state simply. I stand up as I get even angrier. “She's not a possession you can claim, especially without her consent. You don't even know the damage your words right now would cause her if she ever heard you speak of her this way.”

Oliver leans forward and glares at me, angry but visibly confused.

“How the hell does a few words damage someone”, he asks, his anger even more evident through his words. He legitimately sees no problem with what he is saying which only makes me more angry.

I turn to him, not breaking eye contact.

“Even if you don't mean it, you sound like you're trying to own her. Given her past, she’s going to see you as a threat and someone to be extremely cautious around. In the end, she may never talk to you again. And she would have every right to”, I explain. I hold eye contact with Oliver until he turns away. He seems to be thinking over what I was saying which was good. It means that he at least thinks I might be right. All too soon though, he turns back to me.

“But I want her”, he says simply as if that was the deciding factor.

I shake my head, obviously done with this conversation.

“But you'll never get her, not like that”, I say. “You're making a choice that is ultimately hers, but not giving her a say in the end. How does that make you any different than the men who have hurt her in the past?”

Oliver bolts upright.

“Like i said”, I start, not letting him speak. “Trinity is the one who decides who she likes, dislikes, etcetera. I'm really hoping she doesn't choose you though, not with that mentality”.

Before I know it, Oliver is standing right in front of me, his chest huffing from his rage. I didn't notice his fist swinging towards my face until it connected with my cheek. My vision blurs and a horrible memory forced its way back into my mind.

I was 14 and Austin was angry with work for cutting his hours so a new employee could get in. Whatever happened that day wasn't my fault, but I was still beaten like it was. He attacked me just because he saw me as an easy outlet.

Just like Oliver.

My rage overflows out my body as I connect my fist to Oliver's stomach. Oliver clenches his stomach, folding over enough for my to punch him again, this time striking his face.

He was in pain and I was annoyed at too many things at once. I knew one thing was certain though.

I didn't want to fight.

I clench my teeth and walk away, out of the library, out of the house even. There was no bike to hop on and ride away, but there were enough trees to get lost in for a while.

I shake my head, ignoring the cold that stole the warmth my anger emitted from me. I can't keep doing this. Sure, Mrs. Anastasia was a better alternative to Austin and his abuse, but this isn't what I need either. I just don't know how to get where I want from here. Not now, at least.

Suddenly my phone chimes, most likely Mrs. Anastasia wondering where I had run off to. I sigh, acknowledging my fight against the cold was in vain as I shiver slightly on the path back home.

I take my phone out, ready to text back. I freeze in my tracks, the snow not a factor at all.

“Roanoke isn't much of an escape is it?
You couldn't run far could you?
That just makes finding you easier.
It's only a matter of time boy’.

I stare at the threatening message. Maybe it was because I didn't care anymore, or maybe it was because of the holiday season that instead of deleting the threat, I kept it. I screenshot the message before putting my phone back in my pocket.

If I want to leave, it won't be because I'm running away.

I'm tired of running.