I Am Cameron

Assurance

After staring at myself in Gran's eyes, I finally decided to tell her. I didn't leave out any detail, even showing her the screenshots of threats I've received. It took a good half hour before I went through everything, past, and present. I couldn't comprehend her expression, but it seemed to be mixed with a little bit of everything.

"That's the situation as of right now," I say. I had no doubt that he would find me and I was beyond caring for myself. It was everyone else here that I was more worried about. I'm sure Gran could sense that in my voice. She frowned.

"Cameron, at the very least, know that you have a future here. Maybe he will find you. Maybe he will threaten you. And even though I made sure you had a restraining order filed and accepted against him, maybe he will still try to attack you. I can't protect you from the entire world, but I can give you the chance to see it. This man," Gran says, pointing at my phone. "he has lived his life and wants to live yours too. There's power in knowing that someone's life is in your hands, but you have to remind him that he has no power."

She cups her small hands on my cheeks and looks me straight in the eye.

"He doesn't win unless you let him. I refuse to let you think that he is your beginning or your end."

I exhale deeply, truly relaxing for the first time since I could remember. How did she know what to say? What I needed to hear? How did she make everything better?

And how did I know that it was about to get much worse?

"You're sick, aren't you," I state, already knowing I'm right. Gran sighs deeply, her hands lowering to her side. She had no disappointment in her eyes or even her voice.

"I'm 65 years old Cameron. Old people like me always have something wrong with them," she jokes. I don't laugh.

"In the past 15 years, I've had four strokes. I've been on every medication they could ever offer me. I've been to stroke rehabilitation. I even exercise just as much as your average gym buff. But time waits for no one. I've grown tolerant to the medication and it hurts to run or even walk. I drop things because my muscles forget how they work and I lose my words as I think them. I can't keep dropping $15,000 dollars every time life doesn't go right. I can't keep worrying about a future that doesn't want me to be a part of it," she says, looking more exhausted now and at this moment than in the past six months I've been with her. I step back and shake my head slowly.

"Gran, this is serious," I say, my voice cracking.

"I'm well aware," she laughs. She laughs...

"Then take this seriously," I yell. Gran's demeanor reverts back to its neutral tone as I try to breathe. "What about the other kids here? Do they know?"

"Oliver knows. The twins have an idea. My last stroke was a year before Trinity arrived so she doesn't exactly know, but she might be starting to get the picture. And now you know".

I start breathing quicker.

"I don't get it. Why? Why give up on helping yourself and act like everything is going to be alright in the end? It's not going to be alright! It will never be alright Gran. I just got to know you and now you're saying you're going to leave me behind? Why take me in when you're just going to leave anyway? What difference does that make, to die and just leave me helpless again?"

"Cameron, you are far from helpless. If you don't know it, then you will. With or without me--"

"No".

"-- you will be just fine," she concludes with a smile.

A smile.

I feel torn in two by this woman who's been the closest thing to a normal idea of family that I've ever had, and she smiles as she says she's leaving me. I wanted to cry, but unfortunately, my tears are as stubborn as I am, so all I'm left with is a puffed up stare.

"You've gone through plenty, and you'll go through more when I'm gone, Cameron," she says with a shrug. "That's just life. Everyone you want to be there for you and help you, won't. If I had a choice, I'd live 100 years longer to see all of you become adults and have lives and families of your own, but I know I can't. I can only do what I can do, which is making sure that you all can depend on each other before and long after I'm gone.

"No matter what happens, you are my grandson. You and your father are all that's left of my lineage. You have your father's ambitions and my heart, making you better than either of us already. Nothing and no one can stop you. Not unless you let them. Do you understand me," she asks, her eyes hoping I get the message. I slowly nod and she smiles again before pulling me into one of her warm hugs. I wrap my arms around her and hug her back, not wanting to let go.

But I knew I had to let go eventually. So I let go.

A/N: Both of my Grandma's are really sick. One has a year left at the most so I'm trying to cope with that. I'm trying to keep my head up as another day goes by for me. The last two sentences of this chapter mean a lot to me.

Thank you for reading.