Winter Blossom

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In tears, Bai Qian reread the letter again, but no matter how many times she read it, she just couldn't believe that Mo Yuan really saw her the way he described her.  It made no sense, and for a moment she wondered if this was some kind of sick joke because far from being frail, she had seen a man full of vigour and life and in the entire time she had been there, they had not once drank tea and played Go.  In fact, they had barely managed to roll out of bed.

"Were you using magic to keep up with me Mo Yuan?" she wondered as a sinking feeling that he might have done just that began to hit her, especially considering the differences in the ages, it would seem more likely.  After all, he really was old enough to be her Great Grandfather and as that thought hit, she still couldn't believe it.

But she had seen the seal, and the handwriting looked like his, so it had to be from him, she thought to herself as a slow creeping anger began to rise.

And as the anger steadily picked up the pace, her mind went back over their entire time together.  He was such a smooth talker and an even smoother gentleman.  He knew exactly how to win her love after all, he had once been quite the player in his youth, which she knew about, in fact it was common knowledge.  

And that then had her wondering about Queen Meili Hua.  Had he also turned the charm on her too? she wondered after some thought.    It would seem so.  The woman was unknown and shunned the outside world, yet after only one visit from him, she had left her sanctuary she had never left in her entire life, to traipse halfway across the world to meet with him only two days after their initial meeting.  

And he had not only missed his meeting with her because of that woman, but because he had thought she was beautiful and having met her for herself, she could not deny that Queen Meili Hua was an exceptional beauty.

But that he not only thought herself to be unattractive, but he would also need to visualize a beautiful face in order to consummate their marriage was the icing on the cake.  It was clearly obvious to her, that he merely wanted the alliance with Qing Qiu and their entire time together was a mere ruse to get his hands on her wealth, while also perhaps hoping to have that Queen on the side when her back was turned.

It was also becoming obvious that he had used magic and all manner of tricks to keep himself hard for her, including envisioning that Queens face so he could keep it up while sweet talking her and acting the perfect gentleman, she thought infuriated.

Throwing the scroll at the door, she fell onto her bed in a fit of rage and heartbreak.  That he would also consider her to be on a par with his age, hence calling her elderly, was just too much.  She may have been much older than most girls who married at half her age, but she did not consider herself elderly at all and nor did she think she was unattractive which he had so blatantly pointed out.

Bai Zhen and her father were always telling her she was beautiful. 

 "Well of course they do dummy.  They are family, they have to tell you that!" she cried helplessly into her pillow.  She was not a vain woman, but she didn't think she was ugly which he insinuated.  Certainly not ugly enough to need a visual of another woman to consummate their marriage.

But the one overriding issue she had with the entire letter, was his dislike of children.  She had asked him twice about his views on having children of their own and each time, he had avoided it, while talking around it.  Why had he not just said something then?  He had been open about everything else, in fact he seemed to have an opinion on everything so why not that? she wondered.  It was after all a very big issue, and children were very special to her, she definitely wanted a child of her own, but if he really was adverse to children then of course a compromise could have been reached surely?