The Singer's Girl

Chapter 7

CAROLINE'S POV

I tried to be a happy person. I really did. And lots of the time I was a happy person, but then there were those times where the opposite was true. Tonight was one of those times. Taylor left for a radio interview to promote her new single while I was taking my nap. I wished she would've told me goodbye, but I woke up to a note beside me saying where she went.

But then again maybe it's good that she didn't wake me up to say bye because I never would've let her leave. Now I was sitting on the kitchen floor crying, not because I was sad, but because I was worried.

Before my dad died I had my future all planned out, I would go to college in Orgeon just like he had always promised me. My dad had said that when I graduated he would get his End of Active Service and we would move back to Oregon where all my extended family lives, most of whom I'd only met once. But I would go to college there without having to worry about him being deployed. And I was always planning on becoming a nurse for wounded veterans, now I didn't know if I could bear that after what happened to my dad.

Now so much had changed, I was living with Taylor in Nashville and Los Angeles and New York and Rhode Island, I had no idea where I wanted to go to college, and I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. So naturally, I sat on the kitchen floor of someone who was a stranger to me a little over a year ago, but was now my mom and had a panic attack because of it.

Taylor always told me to just take everything one day at a time, but it always went in one ear and out the other. I couldn't help but worry about the future. I didn't feel secure about my future like I did when my dad was alive, my whole plan was thrown off. I knew that Taylor could provide for me just like my dad would've, but I wasn't the same.

I had found safety and security in my mom when I was younger, and when she died it wasn't easy adjusting to having my dad be that person in my life. Just like now it wasn't easy adjusting to having Taylor be that person in my life. I could hug Taylor and snuggle up with her all I wanted, but nothing but time could make me feel all the way safe, secure, and comfortable with it being only her all the time. When I first started living with her my dad was still my person, even though he was in a different country, he hadn't been taken away from me yet. So when he died it was a huge reality check for me, fully accepting that Taylor was my only person and being comfortable with that fact was challenging. And up until recently I hadn't accepted that fact.

Sometimes I felt really secure when I was with Taylor, and other times I could be cuddled up to her and still feeling like not everything was right. A regular kid my age would just have parents that they always felt secure around, and have been the same people their entire lives. I had felt all the way comfortable with Taylor being the only person I have for this last month, but it's just been different. And it's not like I didn't love her, I loved Taylor more than anyone, it just scared me thinking that I have nobody else but her in the world.

I felt my body tremble against the cabinet that I was leaned up against. The salty tears that were flowing out of my eyes found their place on my cheeks.

I wanted Taylor to be home, that way I wouldn't be completely alone. But at the same time I didn't want her to know that I was having an anxiety attack, because I jut had one recently and I didn't want her worrying about me when her schedule is getting so busy.

I wanted to sleep so all this would go away, but I knew that couldn't happen. Suddenly I remembered something, I got up off of the floor and walked to Taylor's room. I went into her bathroom and saw my reflection in her mirror, my face was a mess and so was my hair, Taylor's old t-shirt that I was wearing was soaked with my tears.

I looked through all of the cabinets in the bathroom until I found the one I was looking for. The medicine cabinet; it was filled with pill bottles and thermometers and funny colored liquids. I fumbled through the sea of white and translucent orange bottles, I picked up bottles and read labels until I found one that was just right.

The label said that two pills would put you to sleep in an hour. But an hour would feel like forever. So I took three sleeping pills out of the bottle. I contemplated what I was doing for a second, but then quickly swallowed the three pills dry. I was miserable and I needed sleep; that was my reasoning.

I didn't want to know what Taylor would do if she found out I was taking her meds, so I put the bottle back where it was. Taylor probably wouldn't like it that I took it without her saying it was okay, and that I took three, and that it was not recommended for anyone under 18. So I wasn't going to tell her.

I walked up to my bedroom and in 30 minutes I was passed out on my bed.

TAYLOR'S POV

"Bye, thank you for having me." I said to the radio people before I exited the building. I'd remembered last minute that I had this interview, so I had to rush here, but it ended up all working out.

I pulled out my phone as I was driving home and I called Caroline's phone to see how she was doing. She was sleeping when I left, so she had to be up by now, it was 8. The phone rang a few times and then went to voicemail, which kind of worried me.

When I got home I went into my room where I left her and she wasn't there. So I climbed the stairs to get to her room. Caroline was laying face down, sprawled out on her bed. She wasn't under the covers, the lights were on, and she still had the same shirt and shorts on. I managed to gently pull the covers out from under her body without waking her. I put all the blankets over her body and leaned in toward her face so I could give her a kiss. I kissed her on the cheek and turned off the lights but stayed there in her room for a little while longer, sitting on the edge of her bed and watching her sleep.

All i could hear was her rythmic breathing and I was glad that she had gotten to sleep. The worst part about her bad days is that she couldn't usually just sleep it off because sleep didn't come without a panic attack, but I guess today it did. I was lost in thought and before I knew it I had spent 10 minutes sitting in there with her. When I looked at the clock and realized this I got up off of her bed and walked around to kiss her goodnight one last time.

"Goodnight Care, I love you." I whispered before I kissed her head and quietly left her room.