The Singer's Girl

Chapter 18

CAROLINE'S POV

My usual holiday season emotions didn't hit me until I woke up on Thanksgiving day to see Taylor asleep beside me. I didn't know why that's the thing that made me feel so empty inside, maybe it was because she was sleeping and it just made me feel alone. We were the only two people that lived in this huge apartment and she was my only family and it kind of made me sad when I woke up to silence.

Or maybe it's because I didn't wake up and walk out into my old kitchen to see my dad cooking pancakes on the stove. I didn't know why I was still so hung up on my dad being gone, I know it's normal to be grieving but Taylor was my mom now and I loved her. So why was I still longing for the days when I was with my dad? I'm sure that if I really was with my dad I'd be missing Taylor, so really it's lose lose either way. And it's not like I could change the fact that he's dead anyway.

I did get a little happier when Taylor woke up, I could still feel myself missing my dad but that feeling would always be there.

"Hey girl." She said as she rolled over to face me.

"Hey." I said in a groggy voice since I hadn't spoken yet this morning.

"Happy Thanksgiving." She told me before reaching out to grab my face and give my forehead a kiss. We laid there for a while in silence before she spoke up again.

"Do you want to go over to my parents before or after lunch? Because we're not having our big Thanksgiving dinner until supper and they said that if you felt like it we could go over for lunch too and we'd have sandwiches or something." She told me. The way she said if you felt like it made my heart hurt a little, it made me feel like I was holding everyone else back from having a good Thanksgiving because they knew I'd have a bad one.

"I don't care." I said trying to sound as nonchalant as possible, when I knew that I would really prefer to only go for supper and have it be just Taylor and I for a while.

"Which one?" She said, making me choose. I just shrugged and moved in so I was cuddled up to Taylor's side, that way she couldn't see my face.

"I think we'll just go for supper." She said, although that is what I wanted, I knew Taylor wanted to be with her family and I didn't want to take that away from her. I didn't say anything, I just laid there as she ran her fingers through the tangles in my hair.

I thought about previous Thanksgivings; turkey my dad would spend all day cooking and football that was on a continuos loop. Now here I am with my new mom and nothing is the same, sure things are still good, but it's not the same.

"Come on, let's eat breakfast." Taylor said, getting up and then waiting for me to get out of bed. I think she realized that I was fragile today. When Taylor suggested we have pancakes I smiled to myself. Maybe some things would be the same.

I sat on the counter by the stove as Taylor stood there flipping the pancakes until they were perfect. Taylor put two on a plate for me and handed me the plate along with butter and syrup. We ate our breakfast and I realized that maybe it wasn't going to be a bad day, it didn't have to be.

Instead of being sad that my parents weren't here I could be happy that I was spending my first thanksgiving with Taylor as my mom. But that was easier said than done. Taylor and I spent most of our day just relaxing until we had to leave.

"You ready?" She asked me after she checked the time on her phone. I nodded, we were both lying on the couch but now we had to get up and go. I put my shoes on and ran a brush through my hair before coming back downstairs where Taylor was waiting with the car keys.

"Okay..." Taylor started once we were in the car.

"If you start feeling bad and you don't want to be there anymore just tell me and we'll leave." She said. I knew by feeling bad she did not mean sick. But I loved how Taylor knew how easily upset I could get, and that she understood and she said it was okay.

I just nodded and kept my eyes out the window. It feels like not too long ago it was spring and I was thinking about how my dad would be home in a few months. My life would be so different now if he would've made it back, I wouldn't see Taylor, I would have no trouble sleeping, I wouldn't have emotional breakdowns all the time, and I wouldn't be driving to Scott and Andrea's right now. I knew that I'd miss Taylor just because she's Taylor and she's like my best friend, but I'd rather miss Taylor than have my dad dead, I guess I get no say in that though.

We arrived at Taylor's parents soon and before I got out of the car Taylor stopped me.

"But even if you're not doing good will you try to be nice to your grandparents?" She asked. I just nodded and got out of the car because I didn't know what else to do. I don't know why she would say that because I was always nice to Scott and Andrea and it also surprised me that she called them my grandparents. I guess if Taylor was my mom they were my grandparents, but I wasn't used to thinking of them like that. They're too young to be the grandparents of a teenager anyway.

"Hey you guys!" Scott said as he opened up the front door for us. He and Taylor immediately engaged in conversation. I followed behind Taylor as she walked out into the kitchen area.

"Hi Caroline." I heard a voice say, I looked past Scott and Taylor to see Andrea in the kitchen.

"Hi." I said while Scott and Taylor sat down at the table, still engrossed in their conversation. Andrea came over and greeted me with a hug before going to hug Taylor. I sat down on a barstool by the counter where Andrea was baking because it was no use trying to make any sense of the talk that was going on at the table now, Austin had just come into the room to join them.

I sat at the counter watching Andrea frost cupcakes until Taylor withdrew from her conversation so she could come sit by me. When Taylor came Andrea handed us both cupcakes, I was thankful for that because I didn't have to talk to other people if I was eating. Eventually Taylor started talking with her mom about cooking turkey or something and I didn't feel like I had to initiate conversation.

We ate a big Thanksgiving dinner that night and I ended up being glad that I was there. I thought I might spend the whole night missing my dad, but I didn't. This time I actually felt like I was part of this family, which was a step up from what I used to feel like. It was past midnight when we decided we were going to leave, but then Andrea suggested that we just spend the night. So Austin, Taylor, and I were all going to wait to leave until morning. Taylor and I were going to be sleeping in Taylor's old room and Austin was going to sleep in his old room.

"I'm going to take a shower, okay?" Taylor said to me as I changed into some old clothes that she had left here when she moved out.

"Okay." I said as I climbed into her old bed and she shut the door of her bathroom. I was falling asleep when she came back out but I remember her getting into bed with her wet hair and clean clothes.

"Goodnight Caroline." She whispered. The sound of her voice made me move over so I was lying closer to her.

"Goodnight mom." Taylor mocked when I didn't respond to her.

"Goodnight mom." I repeated in the same voice as she had said it to me.

"Love you." She said before reaching over to turn off the bedside lamp. That's what I was thankful for this Thanksgiving, somebody like Taylor being here to tell me she loves me. That's all I have needed since my dad died and she'll never know how much she's done for me.