The Singer's Girl

Chapter 29

TAYLOR'S POV

The more days that passed the more my daughter seemed like she was hanging by a thread. She just always seemed so sick, it's like all the anxiety and fears that were being built up inside her all this time was finally coming out. And I don't mean physically sick, it was her mental health I was worried about.

I had to stay up with her for three hours until I finally got her to sleep, and now I was the one who had been awake all night. We'd spent about 2 weeks in Asia and it was finally time to go home. Our flight back to Nashville left in the morning.

That means that in two hours I would have to wake that girl back up, assuming she sleeps that much longer. I watched her lying there and even the sleeping version of Caroline didn't look peaceful. The city lights were shining through the window, making a square of light on the opposite wall. Once I couldn't bear to watch Caroline's miserable looking body sleep anymore I focused on that square on the beige wall of the hotel room.

I was nowhere near tired so I stared at the wall, a million thoughts going through my mind. It has been about a year since her dad died, actually it would be exactly a year tomorrow. Yet she was still in this kind of an emotional state. I could understand still being pretty sad about it, but you would think that after a year you wouldn't be on the verge of a mental breakdown all the time.

I heard Caroline take a long, loud breath and I prayed she wasn't waking up. I looked back down at her body, she didn't seem to be waking up. She was much taller and her legs were much longer than they were when I met her, which was close to two years ago. But she still slept with her legs pulled up to her chest in a little ball. It was a bigger ball now than it used to be, and even if she did look stressed when she was sleeping, I loved her more than anything.

I looked at the Bigger Ball Than It Used To Be and I realized everything else that had changed also, her blonde hair was even longer, she wore more makeup now, and her facial features looked less childish. I didn't notice these things day to day, but looking back on when I first met her everything was different. But I guess everything about me was different too, I'd chopped my hair short, I became a mom.

I used to think that I would never find anything I loved more than my career. When Caroline first started living with me that was still true, but each day I spent with her I would fall deeper and deeper in love with her. Now I couldn't imagine being without her, she was an essential part of my life.

The only thing that could make me happier was if she just started being happy, yeah, she had her happy moments, but I mean actual happiness. Actual happiness where she didn't think about something that was giving her anxiety and then just instantly become sad again.

As miserable as she looked, I stopped trying to watch the wall and started watching Caroline again. The minutes passed and I failed to even consider going to bed. I just wanted her to be okay. She was usually the one lying awake at night stressing, tonight I was stressing about her stressing. Maybe all of these things had just become apparent to me recently because we'd been sharing a bed recently, but to me it seems like everything that was going on with her and her sleeping and her anxiety just kept worsening.

Many times in the past few days I've thought about suggesting going to a mental health counselor to Caroline. I didn't ever mention it because I had a feeling that that conversation wouldn't end well. The truth was that she needed it, she needed something. After her dad died and she was really upset I thought that if I could just be there to calm her down and comfort her it would all turn out alright in the end. A year later I am here, trying to calm her down and comfort her all the time, but it's not turning out alright.

I try to tell myself that it's not my fault, but when I'm her only parent it's hard to believe that its not my fault. My daughter was metaphorically hanging by a thread, and I had run out of ways to fix it.

--------------------------

This chapter is kind of short but I thought it was important to hear Taylor's thoughts on everything.