"Gusto mo ba ako?"
I had a hint that she would say this but Im still in shock. Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig.
She asked me that a frequent times already. If I like her. Marami pa siyang sinasabi pero hindi ko na makuha kung ano iyon. Nagtatalo na ako kung sasabihin ko ba sa kanya ang nararamdaman ko.
Nararamdaman not in a way na mahal ko na siya. Pero iyong pagkaka-confused ko sa nararamdaman ko. I would understand if you guys would say that Im such a gago person but what can I do? I feel that way. Nalilito na rin ako.
Man! You dont know how it sucks to feel like you're not in your usual self these past few days. I dont know, even weeks. It's strange, actually.
Natauhan lang ako ng kinuha na ni Alona iyong bag niya sa countertop at naglakad na papunta sa kwarto niya.
But right before she's about to walk inside, sinabi ko sa kaniya. I didn't look at her. Seeing her smokey beautiful eyes in that state is so sexy for me. See? It's strange. It creeps me. It started when she knocked on my door one night and begged for me to let her stay here.
I knew her because we're schoolmates. I seldom see her at first though kasi ahead ako ng isang taon sa kanya. And of course, their business is quite popular in our town. Nung nag third year high school na ako, one day, she approached me and confessed her feelings for me. Nagulat ako kasi hindi talaga siya nagpaligoy ligoy nun. She said it like it was so easy for her. I don't even think she's nervous that time. I told her that the feeling isn't mutual. Syempre, I told her that gently. But the next days, ganun parin ang nangyayari. She would bug me every day just to tell me that she likes me and she's even giving gifts na mga kaibigan ko lang naman din ang pinapatunguhan.
I was annoyed at her, I would admit. Kasi makulit siya. Sunod ng sunod, laging nangangalabit, and she could even drag me from a place to another just like that! Who is she to do that to me?
When I reached college, I thought na magiging mapayapa na ang school days ko. Well, it did. My school days in college was peaceful..... for a year. Dahil nung sumunod na taon, she enrolled herself in the same school where Im in.
She's a tough girl outside. May pagkamataray ngunit mabait rin naman. She's easy to be with and she's also funny. But when we started living in the same house, fuck the word, but I discovered that she's a weak and fragile person. Madali lang siyang mapatawa ngunit madali lang din siyang mapaiyak. I forgot, she's also clumsy. she's impulsive but she got the spirit, man!
Totally, she's not my type. I prefer girls my age or older. Gusto ko iyong babae talaga kung kumilos. Girls who likes makeup, designer bags, killer shoes, jewelries, and skimpy dresses. You know, the usual girls.
But then, hindi ko rin alam bakit yung mga bagay na hindi ko type sa isang babae ay ang nagugustuhan ko sa kanya.
When I told her na siguro gusto ko siya. I was really sincere and honest nun. I sure know that Im feeling something but I can't name what it is. Or rather, I dont want to name what it is.
Guilt, Frustration, Confusion, Relief? I felt them all together the time she slammed the door. She likes me diba? Then I told her that I do, too! Anong problema dun? Bakit siya galit?
Kinuha ko ang susi ng sasakyan at umalis sa condo. This is confusing! This is why I dont want to fall in love. Why I dont want to get attached on someone. Lalo na sa mga babae.
I had a relationship before back when I was in high school. She broke up with me for a certain reason. I was hurt, okay? But it's more like my ego was stepped on. Im Jules Cervantes! I can break up and abandon a relationship just like that kahit isang Barbie Maniego pa iyan. Sinuyo ko siya for a day but she doesn't want us together na. So I stopped. And after that, I realized that girls are very complicated.
