Heartbreaker (Mileven AU)

all for nothing

song ~ Bruises by Lewis Capaldi

~"I've been holding onto hope
That you'll come back when you can find some peace
Cause' every word I've spoken
since you left feels like a hollow street."~

Mike woke up feeling, every single part of his body losing any kind of feeling. He was almost glad for feeling so empty inside, thinking that anything would be better than the excruciating pain of his heart breaking every second over and over again. He looked in the mirror, almost not recognizing the cold and unfocused eyes that stared back at him without a single speck of emotion. Maybe his body had ridden itself of her while he was crying himself to sleep. 

 The most painful part was not finding out that she had lied to him, or that it hurt like hell, but it was the memories that he could not get out of his brain. It was all of the moments that they shared, the laughs and the kisses while studying or laying down in his bed. It was the smile on her face when he asked her to the snowball and how beautiful she looked that night, like all of the light from the sun was shooting out from every part of her until she burned so bright that it almost hurt him. It was all of the moments that played on repeat every night, the ones that kept him up smiling and blushing at the idea of seeing her again the next day. It was the way that she made him feel, and how all of it had been fake. Every single moment that meant so much to him, really meant nothing to her other than proving something to a cruel boy. Every smile he gave her, every kiss and touch was just a game to her, just a way to win. 

He didn't know what had driven him there, the moment of his legs sluggish and tired as if they were convincing him to turn back around. But later that day, he found himself standing outside of her cabin door with his shaking hands stuffed in his pockets. 

Jane wiped her remaining tears, sniffling to herself quietly as she reached for the door handle. Once she pulled the door open, it was like her heart had finally started beating again. 

He looked like hell, that was the first thing that she noticed. His eyes were cold and plain, with no light or warmth to them whatsoever, as if he had stepped out from the sun to hide back into the shade. They were cloaked by dark circles and tired lines, his soft lips pulled downwards into a tired frown, as if he didn't have the energy to glare at her or even to cry. His expression was tired, maybe even a little bit bored as if he didn't even know why he had turned up to her doorstep. But underneath all of that, he was still Mike. He was still the boy that had captured her heart, the boy that made everything feel okay despite it being far from that. 

"M-Mike" she breathed, her eyes lighting up hopefully. 

He looked down at his feet and clenched his eyes shut, even the sound of her voice making his heart instantly hurt. "Can we talk?"

She nodded quickly, her mouth opening slightly as if she didn't even know what to say. She had hoped for this moment for so long, wishing that he would turn up at her door willing to listen to her apologize and make everything right. She had rehearsed her speech all night, practicing exactly how to make him realize all that he meant to her, how without him, she was lost. But now that he was stood in front of her, waiting for some kind of explanation, she didn't even know what to think, let alone speak. 

Once inside, they sat down on the sofa with inches between them. It felt like there was miles of space between them, almost galaxies or universes built up between them that were pulling them far away from each other. 

"I want you to tell me everything" his voice was firm, his eyes still focused on the ground, "I don't want you to lie or sugarcoat it. I want to hear why you did it and why you didn't tell me, and how you pretended that all of this was real."