Wanting Mr. Barkley (Book 2)

Chapter Five . . .Useless

Chapter Five . . . Useless

Karen's POV

I groaned as the light hit my eyes and caused an even bigger headache than I had before. "Derek?" I called out, remembering that he was the last person I saw. I saw a black figure come towards me, but due to my blurry vision I couldn't see who it was.

"No Karen, it's me Riley. Are you okay?" I leaned up and put my hand to my head.

"What happened?" I asked concerned. Why don't I remember anything? Did I hit my head?

"You had a panic attack." I squinted my eyes to make Riley a little easier to see but I wasn't getting anywhere.

"Karen are you listening?" She asked.

"What?" Riley sighed and put a hand on her slightly swollen stomach.

"Honey, I need you to think. What were you and Derek talking about?"

I bit my lip and let out a breath. The last time I saw Derek played through my head. We bitched each other out like normal, he made a stupid joke, he said he was in love with me . . . Wait he said he was in love me? I felt my chest tighten and my breaths came out in pants. Riley jumped quickly to my side and rubbed me shoulders.

"Riley . . . I . . . . can't . . . breath . . ." 

"Karen, calm down. You need to breath." She coached me, but I shook my head.

"I . . . can't . . ." I panted out as I looked at Riley. Her eyes told me that she was torn with thoughts. "Riley. . .?"

"Get up. On your feet." I did as she said. "Jumping jacks. Twenty of them and count them out."

"What?"

"Just do it. Come on."

I started jumping even though the pantings made me want to stop.

"One . .  two . . . three . . . four . . . five." My panting started to go down to slow breaths and before I knew it I was breathing normally. I stopped jumping and stared at Riley. "How did you know to do that?"

She smiled and looked at her folded hands. "After everything that happened, I learned a couple of tricks. The jumping jacks were one of many tricks I learned. But you have to tell me what happened. What triggered it?"

"Okay, well remember how I was talking to Derek?"

"Yeah."

"Well, we were talking about different things like how my date went horrible last night, Derek kicked the hell out of him, and then he told me he loved me."

"He told you he loved you?" Riley asked.

"Yeah, but he didn't mean it right?" I felt my heart break as the words came out but that was always a possibility.

"Karen, that boy is so in love with you. You can see it in his eyes." She said like I was the one not getting it. Which maybe I wasn't. "Karen, what happened to you?" I froze at the questioon that anyone had yet to ask me.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I said and moved away from her.

"C'mon Karen, you can trust me. I can help you through it so you can be happy." Riley tried to soothe me but it wasn't helping.

"There is nothing you can do to make me happier than I already am. I have a beautiful healthy son and a job and I don't need anything, or anyone else okay?" I didn't realize I was yelling until I was out of breath.

"Karen, honey. I'm just trying to help you." She said but I shook my head. Anger was taking over me. Why was I so mad?

"I can take care of myself." I said more quietly this time.

Riley tried to touch my arm but I quickly flinched away from her.

"I'm going to go."

"Karen, I'm sorry for pushing you. I'm always here if you want to talk." I nodded and started to head towards the door, but I stopped.

"If you talk to Derek. Tell him I'm sorry and if he wants to, call me." I said before I hurried my way out of the door.

I ran my fingers through my hair, I was exhausted and shaking. God, why wouldn't I stop shaking? Was I as damaged as he always said I was, or did he make me this way. I stopped and looked at my hands that were shaking like crazy. What did that monster do to me? I put both of my hands together and tried to hold the tears back.

"Karen?" A soft femine voice asked. I looked up and saw that it was Derek's mother.

"Mrs. Barkley," I said before wiping my tears. "is there something you need?" I asked and she shook her head.

"Go home Karen, rest." I nodded in agreement. I felt like I was going to pass out there. Maybe rest wouldn't hurt. "Karen, Dean wants to take Garrett to work on some cars after school, and then take him out to get some ice cream, is that okay?"

"Y-yeah." I said and cringed at the shaking in my voice. "Just tell Dean not to have him out late." I said trying to cover up the shaking.

"Of course." I turned to the door when she called my name. "Oh and Karen." I turned to Mrs. Barkley. "Like I said dear make sure you get some rest, and I'm sorry." She added the last part quietly but I still heard her. Before I could say anything she walked away. Saddness, was written all over face. I sighed and walked out of the door and quickly got in my car.
Before I could start it I punch my steering will making the horn beep. "Damnit!" I yelled to myself before sobbing.

What have I done? I've ruined everything. My love life, Derek's love life, and now crushed heart. I probably lost respect from Derek's mom, and now Riley wants to know what happened to me. Ten years of being normal and it was all ruined by someone who told me they loved me, but then again he said he loved me. But he was different than Derek, right? I rested my head on the steering wheel and let out a deep breath. I was useless.