December 18th, 201X
"It's lonely, lying in bed all day. I remember back when I used to join everyone at breakfast. For some reason, I'd even felt confident enough to sit with them, silly right? Over time I felt a tension in others when I sat with them as if I was unwanted. So I sat at a table of my own. I made sure not to be in the way, just a small circular table in the corner away from everybody else."
"I used to wonder the foundation freely, mostly in the library as it was my favorite place. I would happily smile at everyone and talk with them, unaware that my mere presence made them uncomfortable."
"At that point in time, I also did as I could to take care of myself, something I wasn't too good at in the past. I'd do the usual, take a shower, put on the clean uniform I was so undeserving of, and putting my hair up in a ponytail because I thought it looked nice."
"You know Hinata-Kun, it was thanks to your kindness I had finally, for once in my life, felt just as worthy as all the other ultimates, worthy enough to experience basic needs. I had allowed myself to be happy, I was even less fearful of my luck."
"How truly selfish of me."
"To think trash like me was worthy of such wonderful fortunes."
"How could I have been so stupid?"
"Aside from the tension during breakfast, I guess I started noticing it in a few people. Whenever I entered a room, Hanamura and Souda were quick to leave. I suppose I understand their reasoning, it made sense. To me, it was fine if I didn't have their forgiveness, even if it did sting to see them scurry away so fast from me."
"While I was unaware at first, I started noticing whenever I tried to have a conversation with someone, they seemed to be in a hurry as well. The only people who didn't really seem to do it was Kuzuryuu, Pekoyama, Nidai, Sonia, and I suppose Owari. I guess they just wanted to be respectful, Nidai is a forgiving person and Owari is well... Owari. She seemed to think my name was Nachi at one point or another. Regardless, maybe I should thank them?"
"Ah, what am I talking about? They'd only be disgusted..."
"As the weeks passed, I guess I found myself leaving my room less and less. I wasn't any good for missions or work, nor did I have anyone who would likely wish to talk to me. I would have gone to you but you were... busy, as Togami put it."
"I guess that's all for now, not even sure why I am doing this... I guess I'm just bored and tired of it all."
December 24th, 201X
"It's Christmas eve Hinata-kun! Everyone is having a party, I know because I can hear them! Everyone is getting along so well too! I mean..."
"I'm... obviously not there..."
"Trash like me isn't welcomed in such a happy and hopeful event..."
"But it's o-okay! As long as everyone else is happy! And while I wasn't at the party, I did come out of my room for decorating!"
"Kind of..."
"After NIdai and Owari put up the Christmas tree, I watched everyone decorate it. It was such a beautiful tree! I mean- I myself didn't add any ordainments, I didn't want to taint a symbol of hope with my presence. I did watch, however. It was probably the happiest I'd been in a while too! Ah, but of course..."
"When Koizumi went to take a photo of the Christmas tree, it started shaking out of balance and fell over... destroying all the ordainments, work, and hope that had been apart of that tree.
"I left after that, it was all because of my luck that the tree fell after all. After that, I decided not to come to the party... I didn't want to hurt anyone..."
"But it's fine! I'm used to being alone! It's... fine..."
"..."
"Am I selfish for being sad, Hinata-kun?"
January 1st
"Happy birthday, Hinata-kun, I made a little party set up for you! I was happy to watch from afar as you and everyone else enjoyed it! I didn't know how to cook of course so I put in an anonymous request list of food for Hanamura so he could make it. I... also made you some kusamochi... I'm not sure if it was any good, it was my first time cooking after all. I was a little worried it would hurt you, to be honest..."
"I remember how happy you were though, talking with everyone, counting down to the new year and your birthday... I also remember something, quite odd..."
"You asked everyone where I was."
"It surprised me, to say the least."
"Ah, but of course... you really are too kind to care about scum like me."
"Ah, haha... It probably sounds like I was stalking you. But that's not it at all! I was actually watching from the monitor room, Makoto let me in. I guess he could tell I didn't feel worthy enough to be at the actual party... but he said he'd seen me working and thought I should at least see your reaction. I'm sure it would have been different if you'd known it was me though..."
"..."
"Ah! Sorry! I keep blanking out! Sorry about trailing off all the time..."
"Oh, I did it again."
"My bad."
February 5th
"You know Hinata-kun, even if I've only made four tapes, I'd still like to give them to you. I know you probably don't want them, I just want you to have these because well... let's just say my luck's running low. I wish I did more, more of telling you everything I ever wanted to say. I guess I didn't because I wanted to tell you in person."
"But we don't always get what we want, correct?"
"My last wish is that these get to you. Until then, maybe I should start saying all that's been unsaid?"
"I have always loved you, Hinata-kun. I really have, and I am sorry if that disgusted you in any way. It's just... you really were the first and only person to try and understand me. I'm sorry for ever pushing you away, I was terrified of what my luck cycle might do to you. I-"
Hinata shut off the voice recorder and set it down on the table next to him and looked down at the sleeping figure in front of him. The other boy's skin was pale and cold, almost deathly. The only thing that showed a bit of life was his chest that kept rising up and down. He was right. His luck had been running out.
Hinata scolded himself for being so busy. So busy to the point he didn't even notice his friend's life fading away.
Still, he had stayed alive long enough for the brunette to see him one last time. Alive and breathing. Able to give him one last smile.
(A/N sorry for slow updates, Imma just say this right now but I have a lot of things i'm busy with and oneshots aren't in my top priorities right not. Aside from school, I have a few art projects I need to finish. I was also chosen to be a part of an anthology where I am given 6 pages o create a story. My first deadline is next Tuesday, so clearly I have things to do. If I make any random art I'll put it here in place of oneshots. I also have an animation project I have to finish for school by march so that adds to the mess. Hope ya'll enjoy this oneshot and are okay with my hiatus, love ya'll)
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