I knew you were trouble, love

Inside My Head NO.1

Blood, sunlight, smoke, heat, dust; are just some of the things that full me dreams at night. I get fragments of scenes form my life in America like I don’t remember them. When I remember them all too well. I remember every single detail of things that I would love to forget. Would do anything to forget. But my brain when I’m asleep loves to remind me of the scenes of hell by flashing a simple dot of blood, ray of sunlight, smell of smoke, wave of heat, screams. All of this and much more will make my heart run faster, my skin turn clammy, and tear peak at the corners of my eyes, and makes me kick my covers off my body. Then I sit there in bed for hours on end with questions running through my mind that well never get answers.

It makes me want to rip my hair out of my skill. The hair I used to get my parents extremely mad at me. Like why did it matter if I died my hair bright orange it wasn’t like I was going drugs or drinking? That was one of the many- oh so many- question that well never get answered; along with why did they name me Ashley? After my mother long died sister, who died at the age of three? And Ashley of all names. It boring and safe and…normal. They could have chosen a name like Raven or Jay. Something that wasn’t out of the book normal because my life is not out of the book normal. It’s not.

And I take back what I said about normal being over rated. At times it is and other times it’s not. The times that it makes your heartache is when being normal isn’t overrated but when it makes you like everyone else then it is.

Other question that well never be answered is why did they targeted my family. Out of all the families on Avalin Lane; why did they have to pick the family that lived in 123 Avalin Lane with the difficult teenage girl with bright orange hair, a mother that was too over baring for her own good, a father that was never home, and a new lab puppy named Golden Bell? Why us? Why not the Adams across the street or the James next to us or the Marks with the annoying toy poodle. Not us.

I sat up with my sheets around me drenched with sweet. I ran a hair through my hair and sighed. Chocolate Lucky Charms. I need chocolate Lucky Charms. Nights like this the only thing that can put me back to sleep is and well ever well be chocolate Lucky Charms with warm milk and. I peeled the covers form my body and shivered as the cold air hit my wet skin. The black cat, whose name slipped my mind, wake up and meowed at me. I dismissed her as I tipped toed out of my bedroom and down the stairs, skipping the thirteenth one. I hit a dead stop as I looked back at the thirteenth stair.

I didn’t do that night. I didn’t skip the thirteenth stair on the stair case at the house on Avalin Lane. It all made sense now. I was so made at my parents that I stormed down the stairs with out skipping it. I gulped hard and continued back down again. I made my way into the huge kitchen. I pulled out a bowl and placed on the island next to the gallon of milk form the fridge. I chewed on the spoon as I tried to remember were the cereal was. I started opening cadets aimlessly. I sighed as the cat jumped on the island and meowed at the milk. I looked at it and sighed. I pulled out a small bowel and poured milk into it, sitting it down for him. He rubbed against my body with his in thanks and started licking up the milk.

I finally, found the cereal with disappointment. No chocolate Lucky Charms. Not even the normal kind. There were just the grown up boring kind of cereal; Special K, for the ones that want to loss weight but not want to work for it and Cheerios for the ones that are worried about they’re heart but again not wanting to do anything for it. I sighed and cursed under my breath before closing the cadet.  It looked like I’m not getting any sleep tonight.