Not Meant To Be

Chapter 2

This chapter is dedicated to AndySetiawan823

Caleb ^^
(A/N: God Damn! 😍😂 PS. Does anyone know who he is? I've been trying to find him and I can't 😭)

Liam's POV

⚠️ Trigger Warning ⚠️
This chapter contains self harm

I hissed as the wolfsbane dusted knife cut along my skin. It would take longer to heal and the pain brought comfort. I was drunk off my ass on wolfsbane mixed with alcohol and I've been like this the last few weeks.

I was ashamed and miserable, I wanted to stop. I promised myself I'm not going to do it but then I do it. It just keeps me grounded. I don't know how to explain it but I do it because I'm too fucking weak to stop.

He's gone. He's gone. Caleb used to always stop me from doing this. It's so stupid and I'm so stupid for making my anchor the one person who won't be around for forever.

I was diagnosed with depression eight years ago. At the age of sixteen. There was so much of responsibility that I had placed on my shoulders and I knew it. I didn't feel so good and I wasn't myself anymore. Caleb forced me to see a psychiatrist in another province because I wanted no one from my pack to know how weak their future Alpha was. He tried to convince me that that's not how they'll see me but I wouldn't believe him. He eventually relented as long as I saw a psychiatrist.

Caleb didn't know I used to self harm. It started at the same time I was depressed. I just didn't know what to do with myself, to feel better and cutting just gave me ease of mind.

It wasn't until our kissing went further than kissing and he took off my pants. I completely forgot about the bandage on my thigh in the heat of the moment. He looked at me and I couldn't explain what happened. I couldn't make up a lie. I was frozen. I just watched him peal the bandage off and the look of shock and hurt in his eyes just had me pouring out everything that I kept hidden inside. He just held me and helped me bandage the cuts, that were starting to bleed, again. I was newly shifted so cuts and wounds healed at a fairly normal rate.

My parents obviously knew because the smell of blood alerted them that something was wrong. I couldn't keep it a secret and then it was off to the psychiatrist and I was put on anti depressants.

Sometimes I feel happy but these past few weeks I just couldn't take it anymore. It's been six months since I've last seen him and it hurt more than anything.

I saw him a month after that fateful day in my office, the day his mate said I shouldn't be in his life and he agreed and walked out of my life. He was smiling, so beautifully and brightly, the ache in my stomach just increased. Caleb always had such a beautiful smile, and always seeing him smile made me want to smile, to be better for him. I did everything for him.

On his arm was his mate, a man I've never seen before. Daniaal apparently did come once here and we've met before, when we were all much younger. He grew up in another pack and came to visit one day and then he takes Caleb from me. I knew we weren't mates but fuck I wanted him to be. Caleb was my mate, fuck what the bond said.

He looked at me and I knew. I knew they had mated and he carried Daniaal's mark. I turned around and didn't look back. I couldn't bare to see him wearing someone else's mark because we both knew I tried to mark him as mine. But because we're not mates, I couldn't because that could kill both of us.

Then I became a drunk. Drinking wolfsbane alcohol because normal alcohol doesn't do shit to me.

I haven't left this office in days and I ignored both Caleb, my parents and my siblings. I don't want to see any of them. I haven't showered, eaten or slept in four days. I just don't feel like it. I don't even know what I do to pass the time. It just seems to fly pass.

I watch as the blood spilled down my thigh and I decided to take a shower. It's going to burn but I want the pain.

I strip off the remainder of my clothes and I turn on the shower. I bite my lip to hold in my cry of pain as the hot water hits my open, stinging wounds.

I just stand under the shower making no move to actually wash myself. I stand there until the water reaches borderline cold before I wash up. I clench my eyes shut as the soap water washes the wound bring a new wave of pain.

I rinse off and dry off. I quickly rub the wounds with an ointment and then bandage it closed. I walk out of the bathroom and into the office. I sleep here now. I can't bear to go into my room when I used to sleep with Caleb, make love to him and just be with him. There's memories everywhere I look and I really don't want to remember any of them.

I looked at the growing number of paperwork on my desk and felt my mood darken. I hate my life. Why did I have to be the Alpha? It's not so glamorous at all. Everyone have expectations of you and they want you to do this and that but they don't ever fucking ask how you feel. What it does to you. What it's like having to hold the responsibility of everyone in your hands and know that one wrong move and it's thousands of peoples life at risk. You're in charge of everything and if you fuck up, people die.

I dropped onto the couch and just laid there staring at the patterns on the ceiling. I looked at the clock and saw 2:29 in glowing red numbers. I just turned back to look at the ceiling and felt myself nodding off. It's been days since I last slept. My eyes closed and I drifted off into a miserable sleep, full of memories of Caleb and nightmares that he's gone and no longer mine.