Oh. My. Fate?! (BL, Volume 6)

91 You Deserve Such a Person

Qiu Ling held Jing Yi and continued to stroke his head. Ah, he had just wanted to let him realize that he and that so-called 'Tian' were one and the same person. He hadn't wanted to make him miserable! Maybe he should just tell him, after all?
"Jing'er ..."
"I'm sorry." Jing Yi once again said the words he himself felt to be lacking and pulled back. "You don't have to follow me for this mission. I can do it alone."
Qiu Ling shook his head. "I might not need to but I want to. Jing'er ... You said to that senior martial brother Yu that you would continue to love him even though you knew you couldn't be with him. I'm the same. Even though you already love somebody else, that won't change the fact that I love you. I won't stop loving you. And for the person I love ... I should do whatever I can to make them happy."
"But —"
"No." Qiu Ling put a finger up against Jing Yi's lips. "You expect him to accept that you love him but won't go after him so you also have to accept that I love you if I don't bother you because of that. And following you, helping you ... That is because I love you but I believe that it isn't asking too much. So please just let me do this."
Jing Yi didn't know what to say in front of such a Qiu Ling. If he had still sounded as shameless as always, he wouldn't have minded too much. But this kind of serious person couldn't be rejected as easily. "You shouldn't force yourself."
"I'm not. I want to do this. You know if I returned to the dragon realm, I would always wonder how you are. I would torment myself with all kind of ideas what could happen to you while you're out here alone. That would be way worse. Like this, I can stay with you and make sure that you're alright. I prefer that. So please."
Jing Yi finally nodded. "Then ... Then, of course, you can." He had to lower his head while he said so though. He couldn't look into his eyes. Deep down he was happy that Qiu Ling would be with him but that little bit of happiness was overlaid with a deep feeling of shame.
Why did he still cling to Qiu Ling? Why couldn't he let him go? He already knew about Tian now. He shouldn't be so shameless as to still desire the company of one man while he had already decided on the other. That wasn't right. No, it was utterly wrong.
Qiu Ling could see that Jing Yi wasn't feeling too well but he didn't know what to do. "Would you ... like to take a break? You're a little pale."
Jing Yi looked up and smiled another teary smile. He was still so good to him ... "Qiu Ling."
"Mn?"
"I ... I guess I shouldn't keep saying that I'm sorry. It wouldn't change anything and just remind you of what happened all the time. But ... let me say again that I wish you well. I hope you can find someone you can love, someone who can ... wholeheartedly love you back from the first time they see you to the day both of you close your eyes. You ... You deserve such a person."
Qiu Ling smiled and reached out, wiping the tears away that were once again dripping down Jing Yi's cheeks.
Mn, maybe he deserved such a person. Thankfully, he didn't need to find them anymore though. After all, he had already found him. Maybe Jing He hadn't loved him from the time he first saw him but obviously, he loved him enough that he wanted to stay with him until they took their last breath. He had even gone so far as to injure his own soul to assure that. Something even Qiu Ling never would have expected.
Eh? Qiu Ling blinked. Wait. Wasn't this the way out of this? Jing Yi had remembered a lot of things but only told that so-called senior martial brother Yu about two of them. In other words: If he mentioned enough things from the time he had shared with Jing He in the Nine Heavens, he was bound to talk about something Jing Yi had remembered and there would be no explanation as to why he knew something like this if he wasn't Tian. And then Jing Yi would understand that they were one and the same person and they could finally get married.
Qiu Ling's eyes blazed but he forced himself to suppress the excitement. He had to make sure that everything was perfect. He needed to keep pretending to be someone mature and make some insinuations to guide Jing Yi along so he could make the inference sooner.
"You know ... I always thought the person I would spend my life with would be Jing He."
Jing Yi shook. Jing He? Wasn't that ... His gaze flitted about. He had been called Jing He in his past life. But ...
He pressed his eyes shut and gulped. Ah, how easy it would be if Qiu Ling had been his lover from his past life. If he was really the reincarnation of that Jing He and this life was an opportunity given by the Heavens to fulfill what they hadn't been able to achieve back then. He dearly wished for it to be true.
Unfortunately, his lover had been Tian and the Jing He that Qiu Ling had loved and the Jing He he had been hadn't been the same person.
Jing Yi gulped, swallowing down the disappointment in his heart. "I'm sorry it didn't work out."
Qiu Ling smiled. His beloved had obviously wavered just now so he was on the right way. "Well, it's not the end, right? There is still a future ahead."
Jing Yi forced himself to nod before turning around and motioning down the path. "How about we get going? The sooner we start on this task, the sooner we can return to the Yun Zou Sect."
"Mn. Sure. Actually, I look forward to this mission." After all, this is my mission to get your heart back. And I'll definitely accomplish it.