Oh. My. Fate?! (BL, Volume 6)

105 Too Eager to See Similarities

In the forest not far from the Yun Zou Sect, Jing Yi opened his eyes again and blinked in the twilight of the beginning day. The first thing he saw ... was his former fiance that was crouching a few steps away.
At first, he thought Qiu Ling was staring at him but when his eyes slowly got used to the darkness around them he noticed that Qiu Ling actually had his eyes closed. Not just that, he was obviously asleep.
Jing Yi sat up and a blanket fell from his shoulders. He caught it and then stared at it in a daze. This ... wasn't the blanket Qiu Ling had given him yesterday, was it? He took a closer look and indeed. It seemed similar at first glance, especially in the darkness, and with the fabric being of the same quality he almost hadn't noticed it but it was a different blanket. He looked back at Qiu Ling but he didn't have it either. Then where ...
He wanted to put the other blanket to the side and finally noticed that the other one ... was spread on the ground? Don't tell him that Qiu Ling had actually taken out another one to make sure he would be comfortable?
Jing Yi looked up again and his gaze couldn't help but turn gentler. Well, it shouldn't come as a surprise. Qiu Ling had always been like this. Taking care of him without thinking about himself ...
Jing Yi pulled his knees up to his chest, encircled them with his arms and looked at Qiu Ling. He had had the opportunity to see him sleep in the Hei Dian Sect already but this was different. Qiu Ling seemed ... peaceful but also a little lonely.
Back in the Hei Dian Sect, they would have been lying in the same bed and Qiu Ling definitely wouldn't have passed up the opportunity to snuggle up against him and wrap him in his arms. He probably would have chattered next to him until he had fallen asleep and the first thing Qiu Ling would have done when he opened his eyes would be cooing to him, begging for a kiss or at least a little peck until he finally got his wish.
But now, he was sitting so far away. He hadn't even dared to come and lie next to him on the blanket because he had rejected him so harshly.
Jing Yi picked up the blanket again and silently got up. He tried to sneak over as silently as possible so as to not wake Qiu Ling up. Who knew if he really managed to be quiet or if Qiu Ling hadn't just let his guard down around him and accepted for him to come this close even in his sleep but he didn't stir at all.
Jing Yi knelt down beside him and gently put the blanket over his shoulders. He wanted to get up at first but seeing Qiu Ling from so close he suddenly didn't have the will to move. He continued to sit next to him and examined that face he had looked at so often already.
He looked ... very familiar. He had what people called a pair of heroic eyebrows and he knew that if Qiu Ling opened his eyes now they would be a bit hazy at first but when they focused they would either be very gentle when he looked at him or indifferent, maybe even a little conceited, when he looked at others.
His lips were the same. Qiu Ling had a beautiful smile if he was genuinely happy but thinking back to the time with him ... he only seemed to show it when they were together. Others couldn't make him smile like that.
"Ah, Qiu Ling ..." Jing Yi leaned forward until his forehead touched Qiu Ling's shoulder. "I deserve neither you nor Tian. Two such wonderful men but I ... I'm just making everything difficult."
This time Qiu Ling seemed to have felt that someone was close by. His lips curved up in exactly the beautiful smile that Jing Yi had just thought of and he tilted his head to the side until it gently touched Jing Yi's. "Mn, Jing He ... Let's get married then ..."
Jing Yi jolted and looked up at him. This ... This had almost sounded like ... like that day with Tian before they had to separate. They had lain in bed together and Tian had made him promise that they would marry when he came back. This was almost the same. Actually, Qiu Ling even sounded a little like Tian.
Jing Yi sighed. "I'm probably too eager to see similarities between them. As if it would change anything when I do. We'll still be in this stupid situation." He sighed again and closed his eyes.
Sitting so close to Qiu Ling felt comfortable. That familiar warmth, the familiar curve of his arm ... Ah, even the way he breathed when he was relaxed was familiar. He had certainly felt the same way with Tian back then. He definitely had. His past self had been crazy about him, even to the extent of not wanting to live without him. He had even promised to stay true to him forever.
Jing Yi leaned closer against Qiu Ling, a single tear wetting his lashes. Why did his past self get to decide? Why couldn't he also ... Why did he have to feel like he betrayed Tian when he was happy with Qiu Ling? Why couldn't he be allowed to be happy with the man he had fallen in love with?
"Ah, senior martial brother Yu was right. Knowing part of your past life really isn't anything good. I wished things hadn't turned out like this."