Hidden Truths||Reddie||

•Eleven•

Eddie was forced to get up out of his room and do something, or his mother would send him to a hospital where he'd stay for three months and see a therapist daily. Eddie did not want that, so he woke up that morning, finally changed out of the clothes he'd been wearing since Richie died, and met up with the losers at the quarry.

"Hey..." Eddie mumbled, sitting down on a rock.

"Hey Eds. Good to see ya." Ben smiled.

"Don't fucking call me Eds." Eddie clenched his fists. "Ever again.."

"Sorry..." Ben mumbled, looking at the ground.

"H-how are yu-you holding u-up?" Bill asked.

"Fine..." Eddie lied, picking at some grass.

"So...what do you guys wanna do?" Mike asked.

Eddie was silent as the others suggested things.

He just wanted to be with Richie...

"Eddie?" Beverly asked.

"What?"

"Do you have any suggestions on what we should do?"

"No." Eddie replied.

"Alright..."

"I think I'm gonna go home." Eddie said, standing up, walking away from the losers.

"But you just got here..." Beverly frowned, following him.

"Yeah, so? I don't wanna do this shit." Eddie replied.

"Do what shit?" Beverly asked, confused.

"Pretend like everything's okay! Like Richie didn't die right in front of my fucking eyes! Pretend like he never existed and just move on! I can't do it, alright?! Everything reminds me of him..." Eddie's eyes watered.

"We're not pretending...we haven't forgotten, it still hurts, but we have to accept the fact that he's gone." Beverly said, eyes glistening with tears.

"I can't accept it! I don't want to believe that he's gone! You never even cared. You didn't care like I cared!" Eddie yelled.

"Shut up! He was my friend too Eddie! Not just yours! Your so selfish you know that?! I miss him! It hurts! I cared! You just....you just think everything evolves around you and you only. Well it doesn't kid! We're all hurting, we all lost him. Not just you." Beverly clenched her fists.

"Bullshit!"

"I loved him too! I loved him too...he wasn't just yours!" 

Eddie was silent.

"I'm sorry...but don't act like you were the only one who cared...the only one who loved him. Because you weren't Eddie...you weren't..." Bev looked at Eddie one more time before walking back to the losers.

Eddie walked home, his heart hurting, he'd just lost another friend. It hurt because Beverly was right, he was being selfish.

The truth hurt like hell.

• • •

Eddie tried to be happy, he really did. But even if he faked a smile, faked a laugh, his heart still ached, his eyes still glistened, and his mind still raced with thoughts of the raven haired boy. 

Beverly and him were still not talking, Eddie avoided her as much as he could, because whenever he looked at her, the truth shun on her face as clear as glass, her words echoed in his head. 

Selfish, your so selfish.

Everyone had seemed to move on, but not him, not Eddie. How do you move on from something so tragic? It haunts you forever.. 

 Eddie decided that no one cared. No one cared about what he had to say, no one cared about how he felt, so one day, he sat on the cold floor of his bathroom and drew three lines across his wrists. He watched the red liquid drip from his wrists and then, he cried, dropping the blade onto the ground. 

"Stupid. It's your fault, your fault!" He yelled. He fell asleep on the hard cold floor saying that over and over again. 

The small boy made cutting his skin as if it were paper, a habit. He started wearing long sleeves to cover his scars. No one questioned him. 

One day though, as Eddie was bending down to pick up his books that had fallen from bumping into Beverly, his sweater sleeve lifted and revealed a scar. Beverly noticed. 

"Eddie..." She rolled up his sleeve before Eddie could pull it back down. The boy's wrists were covered with scars.

"Oh my god.." She gasped.

 "Did you do this?" She asked, knowing the answer. 

Eddie stayed silent. She pulled him to an empty hallway. 

"Eddie...why?" 

"Because no one cares Beverly...no one cares.." His eyes watered. 

"No. That's not true. I care. The others care.." 

"It hurts..." The small boy mumbled.

"Please stop doing this. Why didn't you talk to one of us? We would of helped you...we will.." 

Eddie sighed. "Just don't tell them...please...don't." 

"I won't..." Beverly gave him a quick hug and walked to class. 

Eddie didn't stop though. He still felt worthless...he was still b r o k en. 

• • •

Beverly started checking Eddie's wrists after that. She saw new scars every day. 

So, she told Sonia, who set up Eddie to go to a therapist, Ida George, on Fridays. 

Eddie stopped talking to Beverly after his Mother told him he needed a therapist. He lost trust in her.

Ida told him to write his feelings down on paper, that if he was missing someone, he should write letters to that person, even if he would never get them. So, Eddie wrote letters to the curly headed boy and stored them into his dresser. He didn't open the one Richie wrote him though, not yet. It lay face down on his dresser. 

After two months seeing his therapist, Ida agreed that Eddie was doing fine and he didn't need to see her anymore. She was wrong though. Eddie started to cut again. 

Dear Richie, 

 I hate your Dad for doing that, I hope he rots in prison. I'd do anything to see you again, anything. It's been a couple of months since you've been gone, It still hurts though. I can't forget about you, I still love you. I always will. It's my fault...I just know it is, I shouldn't have been there, I should have gotten out of the way so you wouldn't have to take that bullet for me...

I miss those stupid nick names you gave me, I miss your hugs and your voice, I miss your smile and your laugh, I miss your scent, mixed with cigarette smoke and cologne, I miss you ruffling my hair all the time, I just miss you. 

I'm not the same without you around, I started doing shit that's not good for me...

Please come back, please. 

Love, Eds

• • •

End Of Chapter Eleven 

(A/N: Thanks for 200 reads! I love reading all the comments and messages people send me about how much they like this story, it means a lot! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! <3)