"Then after we cross the Burning Plains of Honka Hill, we're gonna reach the Freezing Plains of Blarganthia," Andy says translated for the alien we call Crunchbite
"The Burning Plains are next to the Freezing Plains? I bet there's some pretty wet plains in between." Caboose said confused
"This is so dumb, I'm not doing this," Tucker said
"I don't know Bro sounds fun to me," I tell him
"Hey, news flash, you two don't have a choice. You're the ones that picked up those swords and locked it to yourselves!" Church informs him
"I know! And I'm so used to picking up things, and not letting them get attached. ...I'm talkin' about women."
Church shakes his head "I know, yes, I got it."
"Don't worry Tucker, we're not gonna send you two alone," Tex says
"You're coming with us Tex?" I asked
"Me? Hell no! This is the first thing you wimps have done that actually sounds dangerous." she replies
"Well I'm not goin' with Church, that guy's a worse fighter than I am." Tucker points out
"Well, you're in luck then, because I'm not goin' either."
"What? Then who?" We asked then looked at Caboose
"No fuckin' way. I'm not goin' with him." Tucker says
"Oh, oh, oh, I hope we meet a Cleric along the way. None of us knows how to heal." Caboose says
"Blarhun?"
"He says he's a healer," Andy tells him
"Oh good." Caboose sighs
"I'm a medic Caboose." I try to point out
"Heh heh, not really, they eat their wounded." Andy laughs telling caboose what crunchbite said
"Just like chiropractors."
"This is a joke, right, you're sending Caboose? What's wrong with you?" Tucker asked Church
"What's wrong with me? I saw a chance to get rid of Caboose and I took it. There's nothin' wrong with me." Church answered
Soon Caboose started tells us what type of RPG character we were.
"Well, good luck guys. Don't forget to change your underwear at least once a day. Tucker, that goes double for you." Church tells us
"What? I'm the cleanest person here." Tucker said
"No, it goes double for you because now you're in charge of changing Caboose's as well," Church says
"I hate you," Tucker says
"Hey ladies! Come on, hustle up! If you gotta use the bathroom, do it now 'cause I'm not pullin' over"
"Come on brother an adventure awaits us." I pat his back as we catch up with them
"Hey, he's been explaining to me everything we should encounter. The legend's pretty old, but the details are pretty clear." Andy tells us as we walk
"Listen, dude, I don't care what you say, I'm not killing any monsters," Tucker says stopping
"Hey, don't interrupt! It's hard enough to translate without yo-" Andy starts to tell him
"Oh, well, if this little quest depends on me killing stuff, we might as well just stop here."
"Eh, don't be a chicken."
"Yeah, come on Tuck," I say
"I'm not chicken. I'm just... okay, I'm chicken."
And as we continue walking to the first stop on the quest, Tucker, andy and crunchbite talk about chickens and thing about earth. We finally made it and looked at the so-called burning plain
"Okay. These are the Great Burning Plains we talked about." Andy tells us
"They don't look burning... they look burnt. Hey, I recognize this place." Caboose says
"Get ready. He's gonna distract the monster, and you two use your heroic powers to swoop in-" andy starts
"Heroic powers?" Tucker and I inturpets
"Yeah. You're the big heroes from that prophecy, ain'tcha?" Andy asks
"Oh right. Boy, are you guys gonna be disappointed." Tucker says as we draw our swords
"And don't forget, go for the weak spot in the armor." Andy reminds us
"Yeah, and where was that again?"
"Are you serious Bro he already went over this like twice!" I shout
"Well apparently paying attention to lame biology lessons isn't one of my superpowers," Tucker says
Crunchbite shouts to us "Blargh! Argh!"
"Be quiet! Get down!" Andy translates
"Warg, warg arg. Warg, larg!" Crunchbite say quietly
"He just wants a moment's peace before the plan fails and we all get killed," Andy tells us
"Oh how nice," I say sarcastically
"WHRRRRRRRRRRRG!" Crunchbite yells
"Oh, sorry... I wasn't supposed to translate that last part. Yuh, he says, yuh don't worry, everything will be fine. ...Stick to the plan."
"Okay. Are we adding "get killed" to the end of the plan?" Caboose asked
"Oh God, I hope not," I say out loud
"Go!" Andy shouts
We all jump over the ridge
Crunchbite looks around confused and shocked "Wurg!"
"What happened?" Andy asks
"To what?"
"The big monster. It's dead, look!"
We all look to see a skull of a cow sitting there
"That thing? You gotta be kidding me." Tucker asks pointing to it
"You guys were here already?" Andy asks us
"Yes. Uh, before now." Caboose answers him
"That's what the word already means, Caboose," I tell him
"Ohhh, then just yes."
"Whar, war."
"You already killed the monster?" Andy asks us
"Dude, that's a cow skull. I kill about ten of those things every time I eat lunch" Tucker tells him
I just shake my head as we move on to the next place.
YOU ARE READING
The New "Guy"? (RvB Fanfiction)
FanfictionAfter Grif was hurt by the blues tank, the reds called a medic to help him. But to their surprise the new guy isn't a guy but a girl. What will they do now? Underline words are price's thoughts and underlined and bolded are of a character to be nam...
