The New "Guy"? (RvB Fanfiction)

The New Arrival

"Congratulations, it's a - thing. Eugh." Doc says

"Honk honk, whaaargh, whaaargh!" The alien baby says

"That's just disturbing."

"Oh, well, that's the other thing I called about, um, Tucker had his gross baby." Caboose says to Chruch over the radio

"It's not mine!" Tucker shouts

Time skip:

I walk up behind Doc to see Church is back and Caboose on the floor.

"How can Tucker sleep with all that racket?" Church asked

"Sleeping? He's not sleeping Church... My brothers in a coma." I tell him

"Alright, that's it. Get out of the way . I'll take care o' this." Church tells me and Doc

"I can't feel my torso." Caboose says

"I don't think so. A newborn is really susceptible to infection, and disease. And cuddling. I only wanna expose it to as few people as possible." Doc tells Church

"Doc, don't worry, I'm not gonna give it a cold. I'm just gonna go in there, step on its neck and shoot it in the head. Because that's how I roll."

"Well now you're definitely not coming in Church." I tell him

"I'm still laying here. Why won't anyone help me?" Caboose asks with no anwser

"I tell you guys what - I promise to wash my hands before I destroy the abomination of nature, okay?"

"Sorry." Doc says

"Guys - Seriously, you can't keep me from going inside my own base." Church walks forwand

"Well I'm not letting you in Church. I don't care if this is your base or not." I tell him stepping in his way

"Seriously, Price your ok with this?" Church asked me

"My body... is trying to die." Caboose randomly says

"I don't know Church. But what I do knows is. One that baby whether its alien or not shouldn't be punished for being alive and two it's somehow my nephew and will not just stand by and let you kill him.

"Harrgh!" We hear the baby alien shout

"If I've been bitten, does that mean I'm going to turn in to one of them?" Caboose asked

"Shut up Caboose." Church tell him

Suddenly we heard a sound of something falling heavily to the ground and then the ground shakes

"The hell was that!?"

"I didn't feel anything."

"I'll be right back- don't feed any more of our soldiers to the Alien."

Church runs off. Later doc and I are watch the alien baby, when Church comes up to us.

"Hey Doc, Price, we've got problems, I need to call Command." Church says

"Don't you wanna say hello to our new friend?" Doc asks

"What?" Church looks down at a very small, teal alien

"Honk?" the alien tilts he head

"I don't... I c- I can't, I can't I don't, this is-" church stares at the alien

"Take your time. This is a big moment."

"Blarg."

"Look, I can't deal with this right now."

"Hnnnk!"

"Shut up, you're disgusting. Guys, what is Vic's number?"

"What for?"

"For reinforcements. Wait, unless, either of you've had like, specialized combat training in the last ten minutes.

"Uh, nope."

"Sorry, Church."

"Then yeah, reinforcements. Vic's number, what is it?"

"Come on Church, everybody remembers Vic's number! Didn't he ever teach you the song?"

"Oh right. Vic's jingle." Church groans

Doc starts singing "if you want to talk, don't email. And don't you click click click click, just call me up at five five five, V-I-C-K."

"You know it probably would have been more memorable if it rhymed. Or if his name actually ended in a K."

"Oh, music is a great way to learn things. That's how I studied for the MCAT."

"You passed the MCAT?"

Doc laughs "not even close. But you should really hear my rendition of the Kelly Clarkson song "Miss Independence." It teaches you all about the lymphatic system. (singing) Doum, d-doum, lymphatic system-"

"Hey, shut up I'm on the phone."

"Honk!"

"And do me a favour, kill that fucking thing, would you?"

Once Church got though he had a hard time with vic's voicemail machine and is now muddering to himself "Uhhmmm I'm gonna kill myself. I'm gonna kill myself."

"Uh, what was all that about?"

"Doc, we are royally screwed. Half our team is down, and I think th-"

"No it's not, look! Caboose is already back in action." Doc points to the base

We look to see Caboose emerging from Blue Base

"I'm okay! I'm okay!" Caboose collapses again "I'm not okay!"

"I'm sure he's fine."

"Like I was saying, half the team is down, and the half that's left, sucks. So all the Reds need to do is attack us, and we're dead."

"Hnnk!"

"Oh right, and I have to kill this fucking thing."

"Also I see a big ship. Now I know I'm hallucinating!" Caboose shouts

"Oh, I forgot that part! The Reds also have an enormous ship that was sent by their Command. Probably has a huge fucking weapon on it. Like a nuke, or a biological weapon that's gonna melt our skin, or a genetic weapon that's gonna make everyone in blue armour sterile... awesome."

"Hmm. Maybe this isn't the best time to remind you that technically I'm neutral in this conflict."

"Yeah me too."

"Guys, I don't think the situation could get much worse. I mean the ship is bad enough, but God knows what kind of reinforcements they have in that thing. Could be a whole new squad! Or a freelancer! Or-"